Victorian Nights

A sigh of relief

2010-03-27T00:45:00.000-07:00

Tonight I smiled at the sight of my school email inbox. It held an offer of employment and an offer to interview for a short-list for another job (to possibly exist later in the summer). I try not to be defined by these moments, but often so much is invested and riding on them. They have been known to stop me dead in my tracks; now I can continue through them, with contingency plans in place. Those are lessons learned. I can smile at that.

A Letter to the Women in My Life

2010-03-09T00:32:00.000-08:00

Today we are called upon to acknowledge, for a day, all women everywhere. International Women’s Day offers us a day to celebrate, to pause and reflect on where we’re at. And today I resisted, because when I pause and reflect, politically speaking, I see a huge mountain. We’re a third of the way up looking down on some beautiful progress, but the steep terrain that lies ahead is imposing. There is no path- it is for us to carve. Supported by those who have led us to this point, we are poised with strength, diversity at its core, to climb onwards. With many strategies, our paths up the mountain will vary, but our sights are pointed forward.

I can, with pleasure, reflect on the women in my life, today, and celebrate. I am a privileged, lucky, blessed woman to be able to have had incredible relationships with so many inquiringly brilliant, strong, compassionate, unwaveringly supportive, unconditionally understanding, witty, fun, awesome women. Each one of you has shaped the person I am and the person I will become. You are all generous of your selves. You challenge me, and nurture me. You remind me of my own strengths; those that exist are likely a reflection of your own. You remind me I am human, and you show me how to be a better one. You call me on my missteps and help me up from my failures; you ask the hard questions and are patient with my answers.

You remind me that I am a part of a diverse group. Some of you know me only as I am in another language than my mother tongue. I only know some of you as you are in yours. You live throughout the world. You are teachers and students, of many disciplines. You are artists and articled students. You will be doctors and lawyers; or if you want, barristas, or sometimes unemployed. You will be mothers and partners. You are black and white, Italian and Guatemalan, Canadian and American. You are straight, and gay, bisexual, identify along a spectrum of genders or defy categories. Your abilities are diverse, your talents abundant. You are all kind, with good souls.

You are what I have to celebrate every day. You make my life rich. With pleasure, I will climb with you. For all that each of you are, thank you.

With love and solidarity,

Rachael

Update: It's not 1820 anymore. Women rightfully celebrate Gold Medal Victory with Cigars and Beer

2010-02-26T15:51:00.000-08:00

Because the world in which we live is a fucked up place, wrought with deeply rooted social inequalities and insidious violent discrimination, I vent. To remind myself that I am not the unreasonable one, that the world I envision isn't a product of unquestioned youthful naivite, I vent. Here it is.

Despite my strong anti-Olympic stance, I watched parts of the woman's gold medal game before I headed to my evening class. Imagine, then, my suprise when the news coverage this morning centred on the fact that the Canadian woman's hockey team, after all spectator's had left B.C. Place, returned to the ice to celebrate their victory with champagne, beer and cigars. News coverage of the event revealed the IOC and COC's condemnation of their behaviour. The team offered an apology.

Celebrating olympic gold in hockey with cigars and alcohol- has this ever happened before? Was that behaviour condemned by the IOC and the COC? Did it require an apology, or was it broadcast proudly on the front page of newspapers?

Courtesy of Vancouver's Poet Laureate, Brad Cran. http://bradcran.com/vancouver_verse/on-women’s-gold-equality-and-the-ioc/

Sexism in this country is stiffling, suffocating, and infuriating. And unacknowledged. The coverage of the women's gold medal celebrations merits an ENORMOUS "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!" It deserves our rage, and our continued action.

Back in BC

2010-02-01T22:52:00.000-08:00

In a way, it's good to be back in BC. Being away from the west coast means that my return is filled with a renewed sense of awe and appreciation for the beauty that only BC can offer. I'm also living in a new area of Victoria, so I have new ocean views to experience.

Last night I ventured down for my first night time stroll. It's bit further and the night is eerily silent and dark. But, armed with my music, etc. I started off down through my quaint, lovely victorian neightbourhood towards to water at the end of Cook St.

I walked to the cement platform overlooking the ocean and the beach. The sky was full of white lumpy clouds, and the moon, three-quarters full and shinning bright, was reflecting off the ocean. Lights from other parts of Victoria shone in the distance. The ocean streched east and west till the cliffs broke the sandy shore. The waves broke against the shore, at high tide, rhythmic, a bit aggitated, but still peaceful. In the presence of the ocean, I felt grounded, reminded the be open, fluid, yet maintain my own voice in the face of so much new thinking and learning.

Back in BC, back for a final semester, and looking to remain grounded, open, and peaceful throughout.

2009-11-27T17:41:00.000-08:00

What if I am just ordinary. Of ordinary everything, except for when I'm less.

Fireworks in Oz

2009-07-23T00:09:00.000-07:00

Tonight fireworks lit up the sky over English Bay. For an incredible half hour pyrotechnics of the utmost calibre wowed an audience of thousands on the shores. Tonight the artists took us back to a childhood favourite, and one many know for obvious other reasons, the Wizard of Oz. Oz put to music that was high ptiched and heavy on the munchins. The fireworks were perfectly set to the music, on point with the tone, and spectacular.

Apparently it took three days to set it up. Which makes sense since the next one is Saturday. It makes you think good and hard about what you can blow up in 30 minutes. Thanks to corparate sponsorship, anything is possible. Alls fair in love and business. It was beautiful, but what else is even more beautiful is when no one is laying homeless on the street on the way home. While one exists, so will the other. Capitalism isn't working for thay guy on the street corner. Let there be no more casualties of business. Yet, the fireworks will still happen. Should I not go?

I support businesses that are local, buy organic when I can, buy misuc from artists, attend local shows, my neighbourhood. This summer has been one of comfort and trial, made me feel alive, engaged, and with purpose, peace and balance I have acheived good things. So, should I not go?

I think that I will join the masses that flock for this moment of artistic expression, as costly and wasteful as it is. I will always be the one in the crowd gazing intently, reacting, enjoying the beauty of them for what they are.

Cheers Vancouver, fora unique experience as always.

I'm in for the fight

2009-07-13T01:15:00.000-07:00

Vancouver is a battleground. Here lives are won and lost based on government policy decisions, and as long as you've got money, yours won't be one of them. Socio-economic status dictates if you get to live. I live 20 minutes from a gentrocide backed by Canadian and British Columbian governments in the name of democracy and safe streets. It is backed by an International community regarding Canada as a leader in human rights and on Olympic Committee choosing it as a site of the 2010 Winter Games. It is backed by a complacent Canadian population, 90% of whom stated in a recent poll by CTV that Canada is the best country in the world.

The city is a constant site of battle. Recently Oppenhiemer Park was barred with iron gates. In the heart of the downtown eastside it was home to many, refuge to more and a communal space where people were always gathered. What gets ignored in all of this is who lives there and why we are okay as a society with letting this happen.

My perpective as a feminist, activist, law student having just applied for future jobs in a profession where morals sometimes get checked at the door, I feel good about my selections and their potential to shift some of this. It is work that needs to be done, and about which I am passionate. But I am weary when people stop listening. When my passion falls on deaf ears. Where it doesn't matter to the leaders of our world that there are people of their country whose needs are not being met who need action now.

We are reaching a dangerous point in this country where people don't see the hard stuff- Canadians are great at patting themselves on the back. When we dig deeply, when we pay attention, we see that the people evicted from Oppenheimer Park were largely aboriginal, likely homeless, some probably were involved in the sex trade, though men tend to be more visible on the streets, and all were likely addicted to drugs. These are the people who are the subject of my advocacy this summer. These are the women and men who live the consequences of the criminalization of the sex trade, residential schools, the welfare cut-off rates, and the definition of disability in the legislation. This stuff matters.

There is hope in the downtown eastside. Those who don't get a voice of their own very often are beginning to speak. Today I went to a potluck barbeque in the park for Pivot, the Community Legal Society for the downtown eastside. I played botche ball with Emma and her grandmother, and chatted with other supporters and people who worked there. It was a great community buidling afternoon with delicious snacks. An anarchist-festival-disguised-as children's-festival Alice in Wonderland costume party was happening just beyond the bushes a little ways down.

But tonight, as I've sat on my balcony downtown, I'm reminded of where I live. I've heard fights in different languages, vomitting in a language everyone can understand and countless sirens. We live in a battleground, and I'm in for the fight.

Rach,
from an "everynight" kind of Vancouver night

Farewell Cowichan

2009-05-02T23:34:00.001-07:00

Tonight marks the end of an era. My last night on Cowichan street; my last victorian night before at the only locale from which "Victorian Nights" has been written.

My bags are packed, the only things from the whole appartment that are out are my toothbrush and those very last couple of boxes that haven't quite made it to the storage space across the hall. It seems amzing that every pen and elastic band are accounted for, every piece of paper and dead battery (saved for recycling of course). My fridge contains merely my green provisions, and my countertops only the coffee grinder. Cowichan appartment is a shell of its former self.

This appartment holds the lived experience of two years of law school. I have only been here for law school. I come and go only when law school is on. It is my victorian association of law school. It feels good to get away from it, while at the same time a hint of nostalgia rings clear. Among the many painful hours learning the tests, cases, and policy, this has been a place of productive thought. My law school essays have all been written in this space, to some degree. Even the one that was written in Ontario was researched here. I pulled MANY all nighters within this appartment finishing a paper, take home exam, assignment or studying for an exam. I have returned to this appartment nearly every night for 16 months of my life, and that's a lot. Nowhere other than my optimist park drive home can make that same claim. Not even Jeff's couch.

This appartment has seen an abundance of some things it has likely not seen before, and less presence than perhaps it formerly knew. It has been refuge in stormy times, my first dive into adulthood, and has served my well enough. I look forward to a place with big windows in the future, not a basement appartment. I look forward to having a roomate. I look forward to living in Vancouver this summer. On the West Coast, free from my law school chains, I can explore, travel, and live it up. It's going to be great.

The weather was stormy tonight- some pathetic fallacy at play. As I had my final evening outside on the steps, I felt a twinge of sadness to realize the finality of it. The sky dark, the moon just a cresecent but bright as ever, and the tall beautiful trees that surround the house, which have been my skyscape for a long while, all felt to comfortable, and like home. So, farewell Cowichan Street- its been quite the ride. And to Victoria, for now.

Rach
from a final dark stormy cool Victorian night

Rad people and law documents.

2009-03-29T03:28:00.000-07:00

Fast Fact of tonight,

Georgina Beyer is the world's transgendered Mayor, and now Member of Parliament for Wairarapa, New Zealand. I think she's pretty rad.

She will be speaking at OutGames in Copenhagen this year. It was in Montreal in 2006 for its first year (I remember reading about it in a newpaper in Trois Pistoles en francias bien sur), and at the end released a LGBT Document of Human Rights and Freedoms. It was also rad. I was proud to say that Canada could theoretically check off all but one of the areas of law in which the law should be change-it was in the family law section. It was a reminder of the very long way we have come, here, and of the places we have to go.

Happy Earth hour!
Rach

Tears Happen

2009-03-28T01:26:00.001-07:00

Tonight's thought:

Sometime I cry in public. I realise it might make me seem vulnerable or unstabble or something. I reject both of those sentiments. I cry when I am feeling shitty about something, and since I go to law school, it happens. It doesn't make me uncomfortable that it makes other people uncomfortable. I don't generally aim to make people feel comfortable for comforts sake. I feel things deeply, and I think its acutally important to maintain that at law school. The law is about people, and if we loose sight of that, what on earth are we doing?

Creating

2009-03-27T00:53:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I get to create. Its my favourtie part. I've done so much reading lately, and I forget how about how much I do enjoy the process of writing. It becomes such a product of investment. When I am spending so much of my time working through these new ideas and articles and putting things together in new mays. Its a beautiful process. I am indeed looking forward to starting tomorrow. Maybe before lunch with a friend/colleaugue, or after yoga in the Fernwood village. I wondered last week if going for a vegan cupcake would negate my yoga practice, but reached the conclusion that they could only complement each other because of how much I enjoy them each. I had a vegan coconut lime cupcake and it was simply incredible. So moist, with such amazing frosting. So. Good.

Fernwood has been treating me well lately. Last Friday after yoga I went to the coffee shop in Fernwood to consume the vegan cupcake with a good friend. The coffee shop is right across the street from the Belfry where we saw Bash'd. We drank our coffee at the wooden benches, while a father and daughter shared an afternoon with books on the couch beside us, and an artist came to draw in her notebook beside me. The cafe had character; people are just living their lives there- talking to each other across the room. There are some pretty rad places in Victoria.

I spent Saturday in the Cook St. Village, at Mocha House, and Serious Coffee. Becuase I have been reading about citizenship discourse lately, I feel like the good citizen is a consumer. We go for coffee and dinners- that is our form of socializing. I do a lot of consuming. On food and property in the form of rent. And alcohol I suppose. Last Saturday night I went for drinks with another friend at the Reef, and then we went next door where another friend was performing spoken word at a fundraiser for a Jamaican orphanage. This week, I went rockclimbing, for a vegetarian dinner with many of the people with whom I planned Ab Camp, created a banner with paint (you know the bricks and a really wet paint brush) circa grade 6, and had a really long nap tonight. So life has been alright in Victoria these days. Very busy, but good. And I really do need to create.

On a side note- Eva Longoria is on some show in television with a scotish guy, and just called the latin music awards as the gay nascar of designers. I can't even begin to say in how many ways that statement is an anomaly in my mind.

So, I am to create this weekend, and shift gears. The Cherry blossoms are blooming, and Victoria is ready to play host to my creative process this weekend. I hope you are well where you are.

Much love,
Rachael
from another cool dark Victorian Night

Bash'd

2009-03-13T00:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight my writing comes with weighty words. I went to see Bash'd tonight. It is a gay rap opera telling the story of fictional star-crossed lovers married in Alberta after gays and lesbians gained the right to marry in 2005. Jack is lives in the city, raised by gay dads, and likes to frequent the bar scene. Dillon is from a small town, moves to the big city after coming out to his parents, and meets Jack at his first visit to the gay bar. They fall in love, move in together and marry.

As the two characters state in the play, I wish the story stopped there. But it doesn't. Upon leaving the bar one night, Jack is gay bashed. He survives. After struggling with how to cope, Dillon storms out of their home one night and in his anger, bashes three straight men. Jack finds him as the police arrive, and while in a loving embrace, Dillon raises the gun and they are both shot and killed by the officers.

What's impressive about the show perhaps isn't its story as much as its telling. T-Bag and Feminem rap for an hour, reclaiming words (namely faggot and cock-sucker), identities (on the whole spectrum of gay) and an entire genre of music in the process. Rap began as a social justice movement, requiring only a good beat, clever rhymes and an empassioned artist speaking out about racism. In our era, it has become a site of intense homophobia and violence- against women, gay men and people who identify as trans.

I haven't fully digested it all just yet, but the sadness of it resonated. At the end I was sobbing, which I'm fairly used to doing in public by now. I was not okay. Maybe what resonated most was the unnecesary cycle of violence begun by Jack's gay bashing and continued by Dillon going out to straight bash. Maybe it was recognizing the failure of various institutions at so many points along the way- Dillon's Dad's hatred, the homophobia of the gay bashers, the failure of the couple's supprt group to address and support the couple, the failure of the medical system to adequately provide for Jack in the aftermath of his traumatic beating and, most profoundly for me, of the criminal justice system to fail to find Jack's bashers while responding with such immediacy and bluntness to Dillon's act with their own extreme acts of state-sponsored violence- shooting the two men in what is easily read as self-defense. And maybe it was the realization that the world would hold Dillon out as a criminal, when what is actually criminal is the injustice and inequalities of the lived experience of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, trans-identified people and their allies across the world.

What brought me to tears and kept me there was the recitation of the R.I.P.s at the end of the show. It was a reminder that my queer brothers and sisters (and gender-identities in between and outside of that binary) are being beaten and killed ALL THE TIME. There is NO excuse, justification or explanation. When one person experiences violence, we all do. An attack on one is an attack on us all. When we do not speak out, we are as guilty as those who perpetuate the violence. The failure of anyone in the passing cars driving by to stop the bashing from occuring, and actually doing the bashing, all lead to the same result - a man is left bleeding on the sidewalk.

Inaction is action. Its a choice too. There is no neutral in this world. As we move forward, it is important to not take away the voice of those who are discriminated against, but to stand as allies supporting in the fight. There are limits to my whiteness, your heterosexuality, and our ableness, but if we can all recognize that our liberty is bound up in each other's collective lived experience, maybe we can begin a new page in our collective history.

I will leave you with my new favourite quote:

"If you have come here to help me then you are wasting your time, but if you have come because your liberation is bound together with mine, then let us begin." -Lila Watson (Australian Aboriginal Activist)

Reframing Equality

2009-03-11T22:35:00.000-07:00

Another equity conference, another year, how much more equitable are we? Well, I don't want to scare you away just yet, so I share the good news first. Today at our conference, we had a diverse crowd. The UVic Law 2nd Annual Community Conference: Reframing equality included the Women's Court of Canada, six sessions put on by the clubs, all difficult to chose between, and rewriting of our own decisions of the court, and a follow up session reflecting and looking foreward.

The sessions had speakers with topics ranging from the Reach of the Charter in the case of the Afghan Detainees, Environmental Resources on Reserve Land, and Grandparents raising Grandchildren. Our afternoon sesions included Indigenous Perspectives in Law: Law's Stories, Acheiving equitable outcomes in refugee cases, and Transforming Law's Family.

My thoughts today were heavy around academic-izing everything. The Day began with the Women's Court of Canada, a group of feminist lawyers, advocates and activists who rewrite equality decisions of the Supreme Court of Canada. The judgments are those that we find most difficult to stomach. Those in which the systemic sexism, racism, homophobia, and able-bodied discrimination are clothed in myths and stereotypes, in which equality is just completely out of the imagination of the law. The Women's Court of Canada rewrites the decision to actually acheive equality. They use the tools of law to speak back to itself.

When asked what the judgements best achieved, the women answered, they provided context. The positioned the women in her lived reality in society, and found discrimination or difference approaches to equality. That's a lot of talk, where are the people?

Fiona Kelly came today and spoke about Lesbian families, in particular planned lesbian families. She examined how the law understands and could best reflect the needs of lesbian parents and their family forms. We heard the voices of women parenting in Vancouver and their very different families. It really expanded my imagination of what a family could look like. From two women and an unknown donor who doesn't participate in the raising of the child, to two moms and a donor and his (usually male) parter, to anything inbetween. It was really fascinating to explore what families look like that are so different than our own an,really, how cool would that be? What if every child had four parents watching her back, supporting her, loving her? Aren't more parents the way to go?

So I really think we kept the lesbian and gay parents in the picure. Tracy and Helen; and Alicia, Cassendra, Kevin and Nick. Tracy and Helen had a son, and stuggled with the fact that they felt constrained from living a radically different life becuase of their son but really didn't want to appear as a nuclear lesbian family, however, the donor lived overseas with his male partner. Alicia and Cassancra worked together and though they were never in a conjugal relationship, committing to raising the child that Alicia wanted to have. Their donor Kevin and his partner Nick were just as involved in raising the child. Even when Kevin and Nick's relationship ended they continued to stay with the child twice a week. These two families really pushed the boundaries of law's family in which the heterosexual nuclear family is the norm.

It was the information that I always thought existed and made most sense for my conception of family. Friends as family, family that you chose, parents who are caregivers, all these make sense for my conception of family. Today, I think we acheived presenting lesbian families in their social context, providing legal realities that reflect the diversity of their lived realities. It pushed the boundaries, and I learned a lot.

The Equity Conference gives us an amazing amount to reflect upon. Our community is diverse and pretty great. We are social justice focused, equality centred, and we do a pretty good job. Sometimes we don't celebrate our successes enough when we deserve them, and today we had a fantastic conference at UVic Law.

L Word Epiphanies

2009-02-10T23:28:00.000-08:00

Tonight, after a tough evening, I had a small moment of realization. I realized that I am doing enough. I can't do it all. I am me, the world is the world and I shouldn't feel discouraged. It's exhausting to always being the one pushing. My energies are in far too many places right now, and I lose focus.

I think as women we learn to do a lot, sometimes more than we can handle, and I catch myself doing it. I vowed it would go differently. I'm working on it.

I'm looking forward to sunny times ahead.

Rach
from a frigid, *snow-free*, Victorian night

Words Matter

2009-01-28T19:28:00.000-08:00

Words carry enormous power. As a future lawyer, words are all I have. Words are my currency; the perfection of the statements that come out of my mouth and those which appear in my written submissions are the bases upon which my future livelihood will be made.

The meanings of words are debated at length in this profession. We have an entire course to learn about interpreting the words the government has chosen to use in its legislation. Every law student knows to be attentive to “means” vs “includes”, and any Charter aficionado knows that positive rights under s. 7 were found in the additional “and” along with the placement of a coma in Gosselin.

Silence, just as much as words, can be oppressive. There is a famous quote that says, “We will forget the words of our enemies, but we will always remember the silence of our friends”. While I don’t consider the first statement to be true at all, the second half certainly is. Recently, I have participated in a number of workshops in the tradition of Theatre of the Oppressed, which is based on the writings of Paulo Feriere in Pedagogy of the Oppressed. The tradition comes out of latin America and the work of Augosto Boal, who remarks, “There are no bystanders in life”. Indeed, law school, if nothing else, has taught me that we are all active in holding “the law” in place, and that our words and actions are all incredibly important in establishing the norms and values that society endorses.

What, then, is my point in all of this? My point is, when you choose words, choose them carefully. Think about them, and their affect on anyone who might be around you. When you toss out the words “gay” and “faggot” and “dyke”, they oppresses people. When you use the term “gypped”, that oppresses people. So do the words bitch and douche and retarded. When you talk about “banging chicks”, that’s oppressive. When your team name is Team Ramrod, that, too, is oppressive. Why would you want to cause more hurt with a slip of the tongue when so much pain already exists in the world?

None of us is perfect all of the time, but lets all do better. Let’s be vigilant about what we do and do not say and when. Let’s call each other on our slip ups, and take personal pride in our successes and changes. Instead of permeating this public space that we all share with oppressive comments and hatred, let’s change our words and actions to hold in place a more equitable, more inclusive society.

Happy New Year: Prose v. Law School

2009-01-15T23:50:00.000-08:00

It's been a while. I can't promise this will happen often. But when I write, it's a good sign. So tonight I was thinking about how the movie Milk would fit into my analysis of the blood donation ban. Its because law school dominates the landscape of the mental processes. Its a good thing we have a love/hate relationship of the type we do. I was also thinking about the Price girls in The Poisonwood Bible which I am currently slowly reading. It is a beautiful escapist experience, and stunning on its own accord. I love these epic stories about families, ones with all female characters, beautifully penned, that change your world just a little bit.

Literature is nourishing. Law is kind of the opposite at times. It is the most challenging, the most stimulating environment in which to be immersed, but judgments will always be a far cry from the prose of Ann Marie MacDonald, Barbara Kingsolver, Alice Munro. L'Heureux-Dube's judgments are kind of wonderful in the equality realm, Arbour's dissent in Gosselin inspired me throughout first year law, but the stories they tell rarely proceed so beautifully. Is that the only difference? The law tells it in its own way, which is simply less focussed on the beautiful moments along the way.

It was a good victorian night. I heard it was -28 in London. It was about 6 here today. I feel pretty alright with that. Hope all well in 2009 from halifax to victoria my loves.
Rach

The Bigger Election '08

2008-11-04T23:25:00.000-08:00

Tonight, we can rest easier. Change we can believe in.

I spoke to my Guatemalan roommate who is from Chicago to congratulate her. She was so thrilled, her excitement infectious. It was so wonderful to hear excitement around the world for what happened tonight. Its historic, we will likely always remember tonight. Excitement is titillating in the American people and it reaches far. This was quite the mandate- people want change. Thank goodness, America. You had some of us on the edge of our seats. Virginia and North Caroline were close. It was an epic evening. I watched from beginning to end in the student lounge at the law school. My favourite evening aside from the general anticipation and excitement was when Anna rode the Begbie horse with the Obama/Biden Flag. Who knew he was such a democratic supporter?

What a happy day for America, and for the world. Hopefully he will approach with humanity, courage, and strength his opportunity to change. It will be with much resistance that he is embraced. Hopefully he will find his support more and more broadly, as might indicate the map. But again, it is not without great struggles, with which the world will have to be patient, that he will proceed.

I celebrated with a maple flavour in solidarity. Yeah!

from a clear, starry, hopeful, vicorian night,
luv rach

Election 2008

2008-10-14T21:13:00.001-07:00

"Its not that anyone lost. Its that there was nothing to win." -Rex Murphay

On the eve of the 40th Canadian Federal Election, another Conservative minority takes the mandate of the nation. A very conservative Canada showed its colours today. Blue gained new ground across the nation, save for in Quebec.

We must made Canada a fair society, says Stephane Dion. I don't anticipate that will happen under the new, larger, Harper minority. We've sat here for years, watching slashes and the resulting closures of the Law Commission of Canada and the National Assocation of Women and the Law. Equality has been achieved in Canada, didn't you know. Given my last post, I beg to differ. Given the recent gay bashing on Davie St in Vancouver's Village, I make my point.

24 Conservative,19 Liberal, 14 Bloq, 12 NDP women for 70 (leading and elected) women out of 308. A major step forward

10 million eligible voters chose not to vote today. I'm not proud of that. though maybe I understand some reasons why one wouldn't vote in this system. It doesn't look very democratic to me.

Our system is not very democratic in its structure. When a party that 6% of voters chose doesn't receive a seat in the house, what does that say? Or when a governement with only 39% of the vote has nearly 50% of the seats. MMP anyone?

When I see this prime minister, not my prime minister, it makes me okay with judicial activism. Fill your boots, Binnie, Abella and Bev. Well, maybe not Bev.

What will you deliver, Mister Harper? Something better than we've got. "We thank Miss May for her participation in this election." Thanks...that's all? She was the best leader up there.

So, as we sleep tonight, dreams of change in conservative Canada slip further from our reach.

Londoners with Pride?

2008-08-05T13:30:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Heather's blog, I have found a lot to write about in my away time regarding my thoughts on issues at home. Here's another one. The newspaper in my home town fairly sub-par. The accompanying tv station used to close every night with a shot of a waterskiing squirel or a returned pet that had been missing in Mississippi. This article covers the annual Gay Pride Parade. I especially like the title: Not all have jovial time at parade celebration. Well, I bet a lot did, excpet if you were to ask one of 12 protesters at the parade, which, of course, would represent the opinion that the majority of Londoners would want to hear.

"Londoners Grace and Neal Vangalen stood in silent witness as a parade of tattooed and tarted-up humanity passed by them on Dundas Street yesterday". Sinners, every last one. Its a good thing they have Jesus behind them, supporting their hate. "The Bible condems this", 80 year old Neal states. The wife finds the growing support of politicians and corporations troubling. This is the city I grew up in. I was spawned of this corporate conservative Southwestern Ontario city with one of the best business schools in Canada and local politicians to back big business tax cuts. Yet so were many of my closest and dearest friends in the world, and I think we've managed to turn out just fine, luckily. It could have happened so differently.

How different we are from the nation's largest city just two hours down the road. Their pride celebration draws millions of people from around the world. How lovely is it that in Victoria and in the west, people are cool with whoever you are. Its cool, you're here, welcome. Not tarted-up humanity, but a respected part of a vibrant community. Thanks, London, for the open arms.

Heather noted that when the newspaper isn't masturbating over the union of Anne-Marie DeCicco and Tim Best, they manage to cover something in the meantime. Its a good thing our mayor squeaked into this article, noting her letter of support, because it sure wasn't covering anything worthwhile reading this time. It would have been nice to read an article about Pride in London from someone who took part in the festivities, to see how they enjoyed them, or even from an organizer. But I'm no journalist, I suppose.

My Summer of Detox

2008-07-08T10:49:00.000-07:00

When I left Victoria, I had braced myself for a summer of detox. No smoking of any kind, and no drinking. I arrived in Rabinal only to discover that these rules have no application. The modified version of these rules is as follows: don’t do it in public. In the comfort of your own home, anything goes. As such, my Guatemalan nights have been wonderfully relaxing and amazingly stunning.

In terms of purchasing my vices, there is a store just down the road where I go. The woman smirks each time I buy the litre bottles of beer. The other Canadians used to send the boys to buy it, but now there are no boys, so it’s all me. Basically in Rabinal when a woman purchases beer or smokes a cigarette in public, everyone thinks she is a godless, immoral whore. While I am aware of this belief, I can’t be bothered to buy into this cultural construction. And things are changing a bit. The women with whom I work and with whom I am friends all drink every so often, maybe I would say regularly, with no hesitation. So when I would like to have a glass of beer, I am going to buy it myself and take it home to consume since I have no other alternative. That’s the word.

And in terms of my other beloved vice, I was gifted a nug before the departure of my housemates. Said nug has sustained me thus far, though it is on its last legs. I partake with my housemate most nights, but her stash too is nearing the end. One of us will have to make a trip to the lake very soon. I might go not this weekend, but next. I am saving my last bit for Canada Day…that´s just how it has to be. There can be no Canada Day without it. We are celebrating in style next Tuesday.

The status of the third vice in the sex, drugs and alcohol threesome is perhaps the tamest, given the culture in which I find myself. The one lesbian in town, aka my friend Sofia, is currently suffering heartbreak (re to previous entry), though this has not hindered the rapid development of an impossible crush.

That is the current status of my summer of detox and my Guatemalan Nights. More to follow shortly on my trip to the lake and that crush…

Lovers in a Dangerous Time

2008-06-15T20:55:00.000-07:00

Greetings from Guate. I know its been a very long while since I have written anything in my Victorian nights blog...mostly because I am currently very far from Victoria. However, here in Guate, curteousy of my roommate Steph, I have been regularly indulging in the general impetus for my Victorian nights blog. I have had many a Guatemalan night doing the same activity as I do in Victoria. However, rather than coming inside from my steps and writing in my blog, I return to my room after we are finished our choice movie of the night and collapse in bed and fall asleep pretty instantaneously. It's lovely. I had once sworn to a summer of detox...it lasted 8 days. Life happens.

But I digress. I have decided that I will try to update this blog more regularly with stories that are less appropriate for my other blog. I try not to censor this blog at all, while my Guatemalan blog address has been emailed to everyone from my family to my employers. And so...lovers in a dangerous time.

As all who are reading know, this has been a really intense year for me. Possibly the most intense ever. The intensity has centred around two themes: law school and the experience of my first relationship. The exerience of my first relationship came with a lot of extras that heterosexual people just don't have to deal with. Along with the general stress of it all, the experience entailed coming out to my extended family, various co-workers, and ultimately making the decision to just live "out" to everyone I know, and will know in the future.

Luckily, I live in Canada. In 2003, the government legalised same-sex marriage and in the course of doing so, shifted the nation's views on homosexuality. I'm not pretending that homophobia isn't still a huge issue, but there are some things that are now realities that never were before. I could have married my significant other if I we had conceivably made it that far. I got to walk down the street holding hands with my girlfriend. I could kiss her in public. We could make out in the bar, dance, and be a couple. I introduced her to my immediate family, and I was introduced to hers. My friends met her and were supportive of our relationship. I could talk to them about anything and everything, which I did, and they stood by me through my good decisions, hard decisions, and piss poor decisions. They helped pick up the pieces when my world came crashing down around me circa January.

How things have changed in a year. Instead of a 15 minute walk through downtown London, Ontario to work after a night with my lover, I have a 15 minute walk through the town of Rabinal, Baja Verapaz after a night of watching a movie and blazing with my housemate. Guatemala is a conservative country to say the least. What brought me here to work was the genocide of the Indigenous Mayan population. Racism and sexism are everyday realities, let alone mention any mention of alternative sexualities. Homophobia does not begin to describe the oppressive climate that exists everywhere outside of the capital. Before coming to Guatemala, I knew that my reality here would be that I would have to not tell the truth (read lie) about a lot of things. Every conversation here with a male involves a few questions right off the bat. Are you married? Why not? Do you have a boyfriend in Canada? Do you have a boyfriend here? In addition to lying, I knew I would have to deny an integral part of my identity for four months. Not only could I not tell the truth when answering the above questions, I could not fully be myself with the locals. I could not ask out a female if I thought she was attractive, nor discuss amongst the locals something that is now an important aspect of my concept of self.

Amongst the interns that were here and have since all returned to Canada, of course, no problem. It doesn't take long for a conversation to turn to something surrounding relationships or sex and I always am truthful about my orientation in that context. All of the interns that were here are awesome people. The two guys both had female partners to whom they were extremely committed, and the two female interns were single but spoke only of male exes.

(In this upcoming part, names have been changed, only out of respect for privacy I guess though its not likely that anyone that they know will ever read this blog.)

One of the interns, Kate, became really good friends with many of the locals, but was especially close with two- Sofia and Guillermo. Kate is a really cool person. She is very into truth, connecting with people, and living close to one's essence. Sofia and Guillermo are very outward looking Guatemalans; both are teachers, both are unmarried, though both still live at home. Both want more out of life than what Rabinal has to offer, but here family is extremely important and leaving is harder than we can imagine with our North American concept of family. So, Kate, Sofia, and Guillermo had become really tight friends. I knew that when it came time for the interns to leave, it would be really hard for both Sofia and Guillermo. I think its always harder to be left than to leave. At least when you leave, you are going on to do something new and exciting or returning to a place where you have a strong support network. If you are left, you're life continues on as per usual but without the beloved. Additionally, the place where you are left holds painful memories of the happy time that you spent together. The situation is more pronounced when there is a small chance of returning, at least for a long while, and expecially when the distance is so far, and the cost so prohibitive.

Sure enough, on Kate's last night (which was a night later than all the other interns because she was not ready to leave and did not want to go see the doctor in the capital), I went to the market with her where she met up with Guillermo. He didn't want to prolong their goodbye by chilling all night in the house. They embraced, said their goodbyes, cried (which in turn made me cry) and parted ways. It was impossibly sad. Back at the house, I chilled with Steph as Kate and Sophia chilled in Kate's room and packed. The next day, Kate left mid-day, and the rest of my week was very low key.

Life has been quiet since they left. I saw Guillermo and Sofia again a few days later at a good bye dinner for one of the Human Rights accompaniers, Thomas, who is working here, hosted by the Scottish woman who works in our office. Both Sofia and Guillermo were pretty sad though in good spirits. Sofia is naturally a fairly closed person and is not really into showing how she really feels, and Guillermo is a jovial guy with a gentle soul. I know that if it weren't for the language barrier, we would have been closer by the time the other interns left. As it was, I felt a connection with Guillermo that transcends language and I definitly had a crush on Sofia, who actually had set off my notoriously poor gaydar. However, that night she spoke of a guy that she used to see who is returning from Africa in July, and so my weak and distant hopes of her actually being gay were immediately stiffled. As we were all leaving, we knew we would be seeing each other again at Thomas's official good bye on Thursday, and we left our plans to see each other again at that.

So, this past Thursday I arrived at Thomas's and it was a small gathering but good company. Everyone was drinking away, and after a few more beer runs, it was clear that it was going to be one of those style nights. Guillermo and Sofia both seemed in decent spirits though a bit down still, and understandably so. Part way through the night, Sofia turns to me and says that we should chat a bit later. She was really casual about it, and I was like...yes, sure of course. So a little while later, we left the main table and a only a few feet away from everyone else, though drowned out by loud Spanish crooning, she says to me,

"So you must have realised what was going on between Kate and I."

Hold up. Wait just a second. We're in Guatemala. You're both straight. Sure, maybe I let stereotypes and my inherent disposition for wanting women I find attractive to be gay wander a bit into the thought that maybe, just maybe.... since she is a gym teacher, a former Guatemalan badminton champion, and on the night of a fiesta during my first week here she slept over in Kate's room because we didn't want her driving her moto home drunk. But no...no wait. We're in Rabinal, Guatemala.

I just kind of stared, with a blank look on my face for a second, and she repeated herself, likely because she thought didn't understand what she had just said in Spanish.

"You realised what was going on between Kate and I." Well holy shit fuck damn. Kate must have told her that I was gay and that if she needed to talk to someone about it, that she could talk to me.

I sympathetically nodded my head yes. Throughout our conversation she kept saying how special Kate was to her. She went on to say that it had been really really difficult for her since Kate had left, that she missed her so much, that she hadn't heard from her and that she had writen her email down a bit illegibly so she couldn't contact her. She spoke about how it's not common in Rabinal and asked me not to tell anyone. She kept saying how she knew I would understand. I asked her, if she didn't mind, whether this was her first relationship with a woman, and she said yes. I spoke briefly about my experience last summer, and yes, how I understood some of what she was going through. She said about the guy she was talking about earlier that she wanted nothing to do with him, that as far as she was concerned it was over, though he wanted to have a relationship with her. She spoke about how she didn't know if Kate would ever come back to Rabinal, and I tried only to offer what Kate had told me- that she wanted to come back in November, and that if anyone would come back of the interns that it would be Kate. I spoke little, but mentioned here and there that I'm sure it must be even harder not being able to ever show any signs that they were together, and not being able to speak to anyone she knows about it. I assured her that she could call me anytime she needed to to talk about anything, and gave her my email and phone number. We arranged to have dinner at some point next week, we hugged then we rejoined the party.

We both continued on as before, as carefree as we could, drinking and dancing, but at one point later in the night she turned to me and told me that they had met there, at Thomas's house, in January. And at another she pointed to her thumb, now void of where one of her rings used to be, and I asked if "algien especial", someone special, had it. At the end of the night, she drove me home and again I said call anytime.

On Friday, I awoke late in the morning, having decided the night before to take the day off. Steph was also home and asked me how the party was. Intense I said, and offered as the reason that one of the other guys got so drunk that he pissed himself, which was in fact true. I decided that I needed a little break from Rabinal, so I headed down to Antigua for the weekend to hang out with Jess and Douglas. Sofia called yesterday asking if we could hang out last night in my house. I apologized for my absence, but we concretely arranged to have dinner on Tuesday.

So much has been running through my head since Thursday. Yesterday was a heavy day to begin with- it marked a year of the night that Erin and I met (it coincides with a close friend's birthday if I need to offer an explanation of why I remember the date...), and after I got the call, I just turned to Jess and spilled everything. Jess, and Douglas for that matter, are super queer positive so it has been really awesome to Jess as a sounding board for all this

But really, can you imagine? Can you even imagine going through this? Sofia, on her end, never got to hold Kate's hand in public. She never got to kiss her, dance with her, be a couple in any way outside of closed bedroom doors. And I say closed bedroom doors because even at our house, when it was just the other interns and them, not once did I ever see them have even a lingering glance of adoration. I'm fairly sure they loved each other, and don't you just want to shout that from the roof tops? Sofia never got to introduce Kate to her family as anything more than a friend. They didn't get long weekends in bed together or trips together or to introduce each other to each other's friends as anything more than friends. Everything was secret and the cost of letting the secret out was huge. None of the other interns even knew. Brenda once told me that she suspected that Sofia might be gay, but never mentioned anything about Kate. Sofia is heartbroken, and has nobody to speak to, except me...and what if I hadn't told Kate I was gay? What if my Spanish really sucked? Sofia doesn't have anything close to the money that it would take to visit Kate in Canada, nor can she uproot her life and move there. She helps her grandmother sell candles every Sunday in a nearby town, she is on a cheerleading team, teaches at 4 schools, and her brother has a drug addiction that he is getting help with. Culturally, it would be really difficult to leave her family, and with the added circumstances of her brother, its basically impossible.

And as for Kate, what can she do? Is she going to return to live in Rabinal? Where they could be together without ever being able to build a life together. The simplist things that that would entail would be impossible. There isn't really such a thing as renting a place and having a roommate. They could never take out loans together to buy a house. They couldn't even pretend they were sisters for either purpose. If anyone here ever found out, I don't exactly know what the consequences would entail aside from the imposed cultural exclusion, but with the level of impunity that already exists here in Guate I don't doubt that gay bashing would go unpunished. And if she returns to visit, the pain of leaving again would rip off the scab of healing that both had acheived. They wouldn't get to have a long embrace or tears at the first sight of the other at the airport or bus terminal. I'm sure Kate didn't tell the others in order to protect Sofia, but as a person who was so into truth, I can't understand why she felt she couldn't confide in anyone at all. That is a huge secret to carry around for all those months. Kate was going back to Canada not knowing what she was going to be doing nor even in what city she was going to be living. She had just finished undergrad before coming to Guate. All of this would be really really hard for her too

So for both of them, their coming out is intertwined with this other story of cultural barriers that prevented them from being together as any heterosexual couple would have been. One half of the intercultural divide told them that it was not okay for them to be together. Both are heartbroken, left picking up their lives and continuing on as if they each lost only a good friend.

Evidently, my former feelings of having to deny an integral part of my identity are not completely founded. By living my truth within the circles where it was safe to do so, I could be a source of comfort and understanding for someone who needs it so much. In terms of human rights and what I am doing here, it makes me at once so so so grateful for having been born in Canada where I get to be gay everyday of my life without worrying about fundamental security while also feeling really sad that people like Sofia are so far away from ever having the ability to live here as I live there, and that that is the case for the majority of queer people around the world. Along my journey, it took the acceptance of the nation's leaders in legalising same-sex marriage to even make me think that it would ever be okay if it turned out that I was gay, and so I intensely admire the bravery of all those around the world who come to that realisation when their respective societies are forcefully telling them that its wrong, bad, sinful, and simply not okay. If you are reading this and you are straight, I hope this piece offered a nuanced way of relooking at what you carry around with your heterosexual priviledge. If you are reading this and you are not straight, I hope you have a refreshing reminder of how lucky we are to have been born in Canada. If, additionally, you are not out, I hope that this piece might offer you courage to live your truth or comfort in your struggle

This turned into something much much longer than I had envisioned when I began. 4 hours later, I must go to bed. I begin my journey back to Rabinal in 5 hours. Thank you to those who lasted to the end.

Rach
from one of the most beautiful Guatemalan nights I can recount to date, with a cloudless sky and a bright moon shining down on Antigua.

Just Call Me McGuiver

2008-05-02T00:57:00.000-07:00

Tonight was another fantastic chill Victorian day. It was filled with really random adventures. P O'Neill and I talked about this amazing music festival called coachella that he went ot in the dessert. We went for dinner and I had an amazing Thai Red Pineapple Tofu Curry. It was so delicious. I loved every bit of it.

Then I went ot chill with my friend Anna. We blazed and then were headed for food and an adventure into Beaconsfield Park, when we met up with my Guatemala girl Leigh Anne on the street in the Cook Street Villiage. She came with us for our walk, which impeded the pot smoking portion of the evening (no I will not smoke directly in front of my employers....not such a hot idea i've heard) and two hours later we had done an amazing walk along the ocean chatting about so many different things.

Anna and I returned and listened to good music- the Yah Yah Yah's, some Regina Spektor, and some from a soundtrack of the movie Tango Feroz- i think its Argentinian. So I book it to grab the last bus home, smoked a joint on the way home, arriving only to find that the string that goes through the fence has come untied and there is no way to unlock it from this side. Begin operation mcguiver. I start by searching for a stick that was long and skinny- no sticks were to be found and this was past midnight so it was fairly dark. There was a long thicker piece of wood, but it couldn't grip the little latch to lift it. I tried draping my laniard over and guiding it with the stick so that I could latch on and pull it up. No such luck. Then I spotted the lil tykes red and yellow plastic Frank Flinstone style car. Perfect! If only I could see maybe success with the stick was possible. Still I was not high enough to apply enough pressure to lift the latch. Then my light supply aka the neighbours sensor light went out, so i had to go waive in front of it to get it back. Then I spotted the broom...I grabbed it and hopped back on the lil tykes car, and swung it over the fence. The nook in where the broom bristles attach to handle was big enough to be able to lift the latch. Success. The lil tykes car is currently propping the door open, and I made it in fo rhte night. What lovely Victorian Nights I have been having.

I look foreward to seeing those of you at home in a mere four days. Much love. Always always.
Rach,
from a stunning, cool, fresh Victorian Night

Au Claire de la Lune

2008-04-20T01:16:00.000-07:00

Tonight the moon was bright, brighter than I can remember it being for a while. Where the clouds were non-existent and the sky was clear, the moon lit up the sky. I noticed it on my walk home from the bus, and I knew I had to spend a little time with it. With vices in hand, ipod equipped with Iron & Wine, I had some good quality time with my beautiful Victorian night sky. I was thinking about the number of nights I have spent out there, on those stairs this year. Countless; certainly more than the number I have not spent out there.

Nearly nearly there. First year of law school done. That's something.

Rach,
from another stunning Victorian night

In the eye of the exam hurricane.

2008-04-17T01:02:00.000-07:00

6 days left. 3 exams to go. Glory days are not far off. I think I can do this. I have the stamina to get er done. This exam period is mildly more humane. THe extra days between have saved me for sure. That and a purpose I think. That and the knowledge that I can do this, with votes of confidence from within, and external motivation from the real world, the school world too i suppose.

In what should be the eye of the hurricane, I feel calm. Well calmer than expected at least. Maybe I will feel differently tomorrow, but with these days of sanity in between its all bearable.

I've not much more tonight. Contracts and Constitutional down, Crim, Property and Torts to come. Pressure through till the end. I got this.

Rach,
from the first Victorian night in a while. Beautiful shining moon, and its getting warmer. I will miss them...

El verano en Guatemala!

2008-04-12T03:52:00.000-07:00

This week, I received some very exciting news. I got the position in Guatemala for which I applied.
I am soooooo excited. I get to work in a legal aid clinic in Rabinal, and town in an area about 5 hours north of the capital where some of the most terrible human rights abuses of the civil war occured in 1982 during the civil war. I get to work in international human rights law, prepparing things that will go before the Inter American court of Human Rights. I get to work with the people on case work and go to court occasionally in a near-by town supporting the people who we with.

I get to speak Spanish. I get to immerse myself in a country that I have never been to before, and where I have always wanted to go (not that that doesn't mean I don't want to go to every country...). I get to change things on an individual level, chipping away at something on a broader level at the same time. I get to use this law that I have been learning all year to do good things, justice things. I get to learn about the history and culture of these people. I get to read in the evenings, and speak to people all day.

When I met with the partner on Thursday I mentioned that it was perfect. Like...in a game of match this person to this job, I would get matched with doing International Human Rights work in a Spanish speaking country for the summer. I am so excited and I feel really fortunate to be able to have this amazing opportunity. I feel really lucky and honoured to be as, Jack said, a flag bearer for lots of others who aren't able to go at this point in their lives.

I will be swapping my Victorian nights for Guatemalan evenings near the beginning of May...but not before a visit home first. I'm a happy woman this evening.
Rach
from a beautiful, clear, starry, stunning, and not cold (!) Victorian Night.

The Corporation

2008-04-03T01:55:00.000-07:00

Tonight I did end up watching The Corporation after a very long day of studying at school, though it was a lovely study session with P. O'Neill. So um...wow. I don't even know where to begin with this one. Pfizer went into a community, built a building for housing, and since it was near a subway stop that "used to have a lot of crime", Pfizer constructed large turnstiles to keep people from taking shelter in the subway station. They went into the community, and displaced the residents of that community, for the betterment of that community.

Did you know that you can actually live in a town created by Disney. Its the most insane thing ever. The town is Celebration, Florida. It is the great American town, stars and stripes in front and everything. They have main street, and is about 15 000 people. Does that sound a little frightening. Can you even imagine?

Did you know the US Supreme Court said you can patent life forms? Anything but a human being. How can you own genes? I don't understand. Essentially we are going to commodify everything on this earth...

Monsanto...uck. Fuck. We'll tell you what the news is, says Fox to its own employees. I don't care about the truth. Falsifying news is not against the law apparently in the States at least.

This is just shocking. Joel Baken; You are amazing.

Much love to all,
Rachael
from a cool, clear, starry victorian night.
on a note of ps- i photographed a strawberry tonight. the results are fascinating. Photos to come.

My brain pressed release

2008-04-02T00:24:00.000-07:00

Me
Only ever me
Ever only me
Friends across oceans, land masses, the Georgia Straight
Too far to hold
Too far

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. A life dominated and characterized by fear.
I'm afraid you won't like me. I'm afraid you don't like me. I am afraid.
When we are afraid, we don't live.
When we fear failure, we don't try.
When we love, we lose, but inevitably first we win, and we shouldn't forget that first we won.
But sometimes life happens. When we fail too often, we no longer want to try. When we lose too much, we don't have much remaining and how do we start over from nothing?
Shards of our former selves, we hang on to what we have. Each other.
Fellow persons. As people, we want to matter.
Matter to who? To the world. What do I care what the world thinks? Its thankless and owes me nothing. But I'm here, and I'm here now.
We can't change the whole world. We can't. I can't. I want. I want to change the world.
Who can? Is it unchangeable? Is it changeable at all? Where do we start? Here. right here?
One person at a time.
You.
Me.
Us.
We.
We can.
I hope.
Hope and despair.
A Fine Balance we all walk.

Enough is enough.

2008-03-28T00:33:00.000-07:00

When is it going to be enough? When will we take the leap, and affirm human rights. When will we not excuse, call it what it is when we see it and say no more? How about now. Because we are tired of waiting. And because we deserve nothing less. I would ask the government, the courts, and public interest organizations for no more homophobia in the law, no more sexism in the schools, and no more racism in our halls of justice. Let us get rid of homophobic panic as a defense in the criminal law, let us include a sex and gender studies course in our high schools, and let us accept oral history for its true value in land claim cases the first time around.

Enough is enough. There are "movements" that need no longer be such. There should be pay equity in Canada by now. We should be teaching our citizens different things in their formative years. We should not stand for the genocide, misogyny, and homophobia that run rampant in this country, this society and the western world. Enough. My children, or at least my nieces and nephews, should NOT have to deal with this anymore. Be brave. Do what is right. What the world asks of us, and compels us to do.

I ask of us, citizens of the world, wage-earners of the future, middle-class canadians, we can be the generation to change the world.

Courage, fortitude, love,
Rachael

...love, unexpectedly

2008-03-27T00:08:00.001-07:00

What terrifying days. So many of the people I know are in the process of having to grapple with huge decisions. Often many decisions at once, which is daunting and huge. These decisions just never end...I feel like they have started, nad from now on, we will have to constantly make really important choices on a regular basis. Right now these are really big life decisions; ones that require courage and complex considerations, deliberation, mulling. It is overwhelming, but we will make it through because we have to.

Along the way it involves doing crazy things like how today I rocked a solid 13.5 hours at the Frasier Building. It seems like a lot, but there were breaks...I went for coffee once and there was a book launch that I attended for the really good food. There was smoked salmon, sushi, excellent deserts, free wine, and The Roasted Vegetable tray- any vet uvic-er will know the glory of this tray; it's pretty much the best roasted vegetables you will ever have- there is like garlic, or pesto maybe...in it, and its pretty amazing.

I am continuing to fiend Iron and Wine (the band, not to be confused with a simple lack of protien and alcohol in my diet) tonight as I unwind from the long day at the frase. It is a beautiful refuge-music, art and creative expression in general.

To all those who are working towards decisions, may you find your own refuge and fortitude where you seek it and may it offer you direction and comfort. Ultimately, beyond comfort in what I find beautiful, I find it in love. Always love. Because we need it, and because its what we've got, and its always been enough so far. And because it feels good, sometimes tugs at your heart strings, but its worth it in the end. To have loved and been loved in this world. so...I am a believer in love. I think there are many of us still around.

that's all i've got. maybe love is in my psyche from contracts this morning, but I highly doubt that K law is ever in my psyche...maybe I underestimate my love for Kilcoyne. I don't know. But love will carry us through.
Rachael
from a starry, clear, cold victorian night

La plage; mon refuge

2008-03-25T00:19:00.000-07:00

In times of crises one often forgets one's most important allies.

It had been a while since I had been to the beach. I always think its such a journey. Its only 15 minutes each way, but the trek keeps me from going every day. The beach provides so many benefits, I think I should journey down, but life gets busy and one forgets.

I went twice this weekend. One night the moon was not out, and it was dark and cloudy. Tonight was so clear and the stars and constellations were out in numbers. The peaceful calm of the waves breaking against the shore has such a primitive calming effect. Sometimes when I get lost in my music, the ocean gives a more forceful thrust, and my attention becomes refocused on the shifting water. I feel deeply connected to the ocean- I thought about it when we were on the open waters in the Caribbean sea, how those dark waters were indeed intertwined with those crashing against my beach at home in Victoria.

When coupled with beauty of lights refelcting on water, the crisp smell of the ocean and cool, refreshing air, the beach is the perfect refuge from one's worldly concerns. The problem is when they follow along, infiltrate the rituals that come along with beach going. Try as I might, they follow and remind me of why the beach session was necessary.

Here I am, back at home, glass of wine in hand, a final blog entry of this trying weekend. Refreshed for now, ready for another week. On va voir.

Rach,
from a fantastic, clear, stunning, bright, starry victorian night

Iron and Wine, you stun me.

2008-03-22T00:56:00.000-07:00

I just listened to the most amazing song. It was the most beautiful piece of poetry meeting stunning music and having a love child that made the most incredible song you have heard.

Passing Afternoon by Iron and Wine. Wow.

Although I did not much today, I discovered this song. And sometimes that is more important, or at least more significant, in our lives that what we can produce in a day.

A collection of my favourites lines from the song:

there are things that drift away, like our endless numbered days.

Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves.

There are sailing ships that pass, on our bodies in the grass.

Spring time calls her children till she lets them go at last.

And she's chosen where to be, (though she's lost her wedding ring).

...The night that finds us all,
Winter tucks her children in her fragile china dolls...

My hands remember hers, rolling round the shaded ferns...

...like songs I'll never learn.

It's pretty stunning. Find it, listen. It will change your day.

I'm on the lookout for new music to get me through exams. I've found some in this album for certain.

I was thinking about the role of listener, the one familiar to us as students. Everyone is always telling us information, and often we forget that we have things to add to the continuing dialogue. Our thought counts too. We all bring view points and experience that make what we have to say valuable. Every day is an expanding of my point of view, every day I learn things that broaden my understanding of the world. It can only continue. Passive listening, learning; active writing, changing. But sometimes we have to unlearn things- senses of entitlement, elitism, thing that we understand everything when we don't at all. Unlearning is usually harder than learning something, so I try to approach things with as much of an open mind as possible. I try, and often I will be asked to think where I hadn't thought before. Hard work, innovative thinking, channeling of passion, and confidence in our capabilities will get us places. Us, who will effect change, make the differences. Big and small.

It seems somehow unfiting, as I reconsidered from before, to wish a people a happy good friday, since its supposed to be the saddest day of mourning. Regardless, happy good friday to my loves who I know really did have good good fridays.

luv Rach
from a stunning bright full moon kind of victorian night

Experimenting with Haikus

2008-03-19T01:21:00.000-07:00

All we have is each other.
Nothing is for certain, but believing in humanity...?
A coloured history

Though that thought had too many syllables, I was thinking about writing Haiku's today. I'm going to experiment and see what it would look like to just do ones about anything at all.

The ceramic bowl where I deposit my vapourizer remains

Red heart, blue petals
From where the sun shone, to here
Small and fragile

My piece of art created for UAWL's display at the community conference (can one do a series of haikus? I just did)

life-giving and dead
my sculpture of the classroom
as two ovaries

green trees and women
required life giving forces
green, ailve, thriving

the darkened one: black
dead are my hopes of changing
the world- at least all

I like the way you have to think of all the ways to describe something with the requisite syllables.

I wrote this a few nights ago, and clearly in my blazed state of mind, didn't manage to post it. But here it is. I should be off to study now. Happy Good Friday. Much love to the outside world.
Rach

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

2008-03-17T01:26:00.000-07:00

Slainte and Happy St. Patrick's Day! It's a wonderful holiday to throw away our worldly concerns and consume some green beer, sings some irish tunes and enjoy each other's company.

As we head into the madness of exams, when poeple are walking fine balances, it will be nice to have an evening of worry-free...mayhem? Maybe not...

A list seems fitting. Perhaps a series of lists.

Things you forget when you're in law school:

1. There is a life outside of the Fraser Buidling.
2. There is a life outside of our bubbles at all.
3. That not all is hopeless. Sometimes there are successes that we do not hear about. Ones that are met everyday. We forget what the chipping away does. It makes it okay for a lot of people to just exist, the battles that were fought before us. So we continue to fight those battles, with resiliency and with strength, because someone must. And because we deserve to fight. And why would we settle for anything less.
4. What a life of privilege you have lived. You made it here. And so many don't. You have a brilliant opportunity. That LLB will get you places. That knowledge is really incredible, handy if you practice and an entry point to many things.
5. What that thing called an evening off is, except for St. Pat's.

Things you may like about this law school.

1. COnferences like the community conference, and our UAWL Conference.
They were refreshing, illustrive of the challenges and opportunities that have happened in so many diverse areas, thought-provoking, awesome days.
2. Afternoon Theatre Workshops. Through interactive games and exercises, insightful guidance, and open amazing people, beautiful things were produced that day. It was one of the most rewarding, refreshing things I have done here. I remembered that I have a body and the different things for which it can be used, I had just never used it for art and sculpting before.
3. The sense of community, though you often wish to take a break from it, overall I like it. We have excellent professors, supportive staff, and we go to school with really good people.

Enough of that.

5 things I loved about Ireland

1. THe people. They are a vibrant people, enthusiastic and engaged. They always have a story and they are kind.
2. Galway. Whata beautiful little city. A cobblestone pedestrian downtown with pubs and shops gallore. The harbour and the waterfront on the River . The Claudaugh, where they speak Gaelic. That really delicious fish and chips place and that spot near the Corrib River where I would chill on the banks and read.
3. Sligo, more the county than the city. It was my home for so much of my stay. The city has character. Some really awesome pubs, like a little a hole-in-the-wall pub, literally wide enough for 2 people barely to cross, the pubs that still had booths like from way back in the day, and vibrant downtown in the day, abandoned by night.
But the surrounding area, all within 15 minutes, there was a waterfall, a lake, beaches, 2 mountains to hike, and some of the best surfing in the country (which surprisingly a lot of people enjoy), all which you can read described far better than I can in the various works of Yeats- not the surfing but all the other stuff. ....it was just naturally beautiful and a great place upon which I reflect fondly having spent a summer there.
4. The ridiculousness of Irish transportation. Why does it require that 3.5 hours to drive 200 kms? Why is there no train connecting the west side of the country? Why must the tractors drive on the highways, or the sheep travel on them, across them, etc?
5. Smithwick's beer and Bulmer's Apple Cider, free beer tours in Kilkenny, many a pint in many a place. Good music, good cheer.
6. All of my travels within- the history of Belfest, the beauty of the Aran islands, the fascination of the Giant's footsteps, the religous past of Dublin and the honesty of all the people met (when I wasn't working....lol!). From Waterford, to the Slieve League Peninsula, Cork to Donegal, Ireland you are stunning, charming, not without many problems, but a great place to have known.

Alright- happy st pat's to all my loves of life.
Enjoy wherever you are,
Rachael,
from a cold, cloudy but bright Victorian night

Fatiguee

2008-03-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

I am utterly exhausted, yet unable to sleep. Donc je tourne ici, l'endroit dont j'oublie souvent. Le processus d'ecrire. On est ce qu'on dit. There are no accents, so english will remain the flavour of the entry.

Law school didn't get harder substantively, but the subject matters cause one to question really fundamental parts of one's self, one's decisions, and what matters really. In reading case upon case of equality charter challenges, disgusting sexual assault laws, and life, liberty and security of the person cases involving Sue Rodriguez and the right to die, and the Morgentaller decriminalization of abortion case, it takes a toll.

I'm tired. I'm tired of rhetoric, of judicial skirting, of justifications and circular reasoning. Some beauties....Do we all remember suffragette Nelly McClung? Won the vote for women circa the thirties? So she has this phenomenal grandson who becomes an Alberta Court of Appeal judge about 50 or 60 years later. He says some pretty awesome things like "When will the majority stop having to curtsey to minority rights?" and, to L'Heureux-Dube, a Supreme Court of Canada Justice whose husband committed suicide, that feminists cause male suicides or something just as horrendous to that effect. At least he wasn't a member of the Alberta legislature who specifically left sexual orientation off their Human Rights Legislation as a category of protected grounds. Huzzah Alberta!!! You've solved it. Now the gays will just disappear!

I'm tired of what matters being sacrificed for firm glamour. What did you come to law school for? To write wills for years before I decide I hate my job so much that I quit and find the job I really wanted in the first place. But I would like to eliminate the first half. So I need to remain focused for exam period; to not loose vision of the fact that these five exams can negate any prior falling behind, or answers of negligence.

I'm tired of not believing that I'm good enough to get exactly what I want. I almost censored, but its there. I am smart enough when I trust myself. Sometimes I don't come up with the answers. But no one does all the time. I want this job for the summer. I want to reseach con law, family law, questions of should, not just can. SHOULD. Should is what we should ask in federalism questions. I want to spend a summer researching the delivery of parental and maternity leave in Canada. I want there to be important papers written from it. I want it to matter and I want it to make something better. That is why I came here. To matter and to make things better. "What an idealist, people will say. Not at all: It's just that the others are scum." -Frantz Fanon said. I don't know who that is, but it comes as the signature on a girl from UAWL's emails. I feel its a bit fitting.

And so, tomorrow I have my interview. L'entrevue pese sur moi en ce moment. Mais, je suis capable. Je peux. And if all else fails I can return home to my lovely beautiful friends, curl up with them on their couches, have Sunday night girl's nights, blazing sessions at any time, and beyond that on va voir.

Rachael,
d'une claire nuit victorienne

I survived my first moot.

2008-03-06T23:46:00.000-08:00

Today I mooted. There was crying, there were questions, there was drilling. It was awful. I decided on the spot that that was it. I was done. And then...we finished and our judges said that we were awesome. I thought that I might not pass but instead they said really good things. They said that I was really great with my case knowledge. And that I needed to have more confidence in what I knew. That I was smarter than I think I am. I thought it was a complete train wreck, but apparently it was not.

Some friends then went to Christies. To drink beers. It was a really good choice. Fantastic really. I am done my assignments for the year and all that is left is exams. Oh my. First year law is really really really intense. What an experience.

What's my answer to my million dollar question asked by Chloe? What will I be when I grow up? A lawyer? A policy developer? A litigator (hahaha based on today)? A professor? A vagabond? No idea. And what would I like to do more of? Read fiction. Sleep. I don't really know. Traipse about the world a bit more. c'est possible.

I also had a good victoria inside evening. it was raining outside so i couldn't have a victorian night. but i did eat a brownie, or "soy protein" as the label says on the container. Its contents are wrapped in tinfoil so the child doesn't see brownie if riffling through our shared freezer and consume it and get blazed. that would be bad.

UVic Law Community Conference: Knowledge through Diveristy

2008-03-05T00:51:00.000-08:00

Today I remember why I came to UVic. Today made me feel good about going here. That hasn't happened super regularly.

I went to a powerful session on trans rights with barbara findlay and Kimberly Nixon. The exercise we did at the beginning. We had to switch between target and non-target groups on either side of the room. Being on the right was comfortable, but felt guilty: the side of privilege. The left was uncomfortable but there was some solidarity being in the target group. Its amazing how comfortable stepping over the line is for things like you self identify as gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or transgendered. Its not something that feels difficult. That is not something I would have said a year ago. Some categories were really difficult though even my toughest ones weren't as hard as others. Have you ever been called fat? seems less difficult than Have you ever been institutionalized? Have you suffered sexual or physical abuse? We learned to listen to the target group, because as members of the non-target group we know nothing. We learned to communicate to the assholes in power with respect. "We are who we say we are." Yes. Courageous strong people.

I also went to Immigration and discrimination. It was really intense to learn about the status of refugees, and especially the intersection of family and immigration law. What happens when you are a woman here with your husband-to-be, sponsored by him, and the relationship breaks down? What about the kids when they are Canadian citizens and you don't get status and you can't stay in the country?

The third session of the day was one on Labour Unions and the advancement of queer rights. I played the role of the sceptic. I was a member of a union for nearly four years, and I did not feel like it would have been okay for me to be openly gay at work. But, in terms of advancement, maybe here in BC the unions are led by individuals who are activists. But are they usually? Aren't those who are at the head of the unions older, white, heterosexual males? Why would they bother challenging the status quo that they benefit from upholding? Young people don't lead unions. Where are these activists coming from? Bavis argued that unions have the political will to protect minorities, but where is that will coming from. But unions have done good things. A lot of benefits for same sex couples were fought for and won by unions. They won things like not letting parents take their kids out of someone's class just because that teacher is gay, and letting teachers teach from material that contains same sex couples and families. Unions are well situated with the resources to bring claims. Things to think about.

Knowledge through Diversity I gained. I wish I could have been in two, often three places at once. I would have liked to have learned about a Law and Religion session around the Hijab. I want to know about climate change. Aboriginal issues. "Where are our men? We want them back!........................" (a vagina monologue named his braided hair or something to that effect). I wanted to learn more about animal rights. Migrant workers. It would have been amazing to go to all of the sessions. For nect year the only thing I would change is the ability to be in three places at once. It was awesome.

I ended the night with a beautiful session down at the beach with a friend. There may have been a mexican cigarillo involved. A beautiful night. The number of stars was amazing! It was stunning. And the water was peaceful, the air crisp, and the sky clear. Good company, good talks. Yes.

To my beautiful wonderful amazing perfect brilliant friends out there, congratulations on your respective successes. You all give me life. You inspire me. You do the important things in life. I love you.

Rach,
supra, blog entry style victorian night.

Tulips in February. Damn I just missed posting on Feb. 29.

2008-03-01T01:09:00.000-08:00

Wow. I cannot believe that was my last entry. Life is exponentially better than then.

Through time away from familiar spaces in the sun, and spaces of soul renewing days spent among my loves of life, I feel restored and ready to tackle this half of the semester. The home stretch.

In addition, I had a fabulous week back. The weather had been simply amazing. warm days everyday, with sun often, and pleasant evenings have graced us for the past week. On my walk today, there were tulips blooming. Wonderful.

Also, this week I went to the Vagina Monologues. It was a fantastic production. I laughed, I cried, I bought a t-shit proclaiming. I heart vagina. GC was in it and she was wonderful. I left feeling warm and fuzzy inside. I went with good friends and it was really nice. It was empowering and beautiful. Special notes go the performaces of My Vagina is angry, Vagina workshop, My Short Skirt, and of course the Woman who liked to make women moan. Amazing. Inspiring. Wonderful. It was preceded by a trip to Noodle Box, which is never a poor way to begin the evening. Yum!

Tonight I went to see the Lawyers on Stage production of "I love you, You're perfect, Now change!". While it did not challenge gender norms like my earlier live theatre event of the week, it was a great production that a lot of people worked very hard to put together. Every one did a fantastic job, especially those who were coughing up blood earlier in the day. Congratulations to all involved.

A lovely week back, and good things happening to good people who deserve them all around me. Much much love to those here and in London, and abroad.
Rach

An evening of baking. Muffins, etc.

2008-02-05T22:32:00.000-08:00

Wow. the wind is blowing like crazy out there. It would have been a sweet night at the beach, though fears of quite literally falling asleep on the beach seemed to say no, stay in the warmth of your home and bake delicious goods.

Ever pothead knows that when you bake pot bownies, you have to have another non-pot brownie batch. However, it was the last brownie package...so I baked banana chocolate chip muffins. Deilicious! And so I ate a brownie and an hour later i was needing the muffins. Good choice.

Its good to be done memo. I hope all is well in the world outside of law school.
Rach, from a cold, damp victorian night.

Today at Law School I learned

2008-01-30T01:05:00.000-08:00

"What good is a right to same-sex marriage if there is systemic homophobia that is preventing you from being out in your workplace?" when learning about Charter remedies in Constitutional Law.

"If you're going to practice Witchcraft, makes sure your do it right!" in Criminal Law when learning about lord knows what. Mens Rea and subjective tests maybe.

Therein lies the brilliance of the difference between GC and RJ. One is brilliant in a constructive way and is a brilliant teacher. One is...brilliant it would seem maybe.

Also one of them rewarded the people who got the highest score based on the merit system with tickets to the Vagina Monologues. I did not get that. The tickets came with a disclaimer that not everyone wants to see their professor talk about her vagina for two hours, and that others in the room may appreciate them. I can think of one person who would love to hear GC talk about her vagina for two hours. SHe also came in this morning and announced, "I was laying in bed this morning, and I know some of you might not want to think of that, and I was listening to all the university closures and school closures and UVic open!". I definitly thought of that...and she definitly loved to come in and speak to us about remedies. Us, who are all stressed out memo cases and who haven't done the readings clearly. Stress levels are high. Breakdowns could come at any time. It's intense. It's poisonous...except for a beacon of light that is constitutional.

I think I was gonna print off cases to read tomorrow. I know that sounds terrible. It is.

Rach from a cool, rainy, but not snowy, dark Victorian night.

Trans Sports Panel and other awesomeness.

2008-01-24T23:59:00.000-08:00

Tonight the UVic Law Students and Allies club, along with the Uvic Sports and Entertainment Law club, held a panel entitled Inclusion of transgendered athletes in Olympic Cycling: Implications for Canadian and International Sport Policy. Dr. Jim Rupert from UBC spoke about the biological aspects of gender, and to those regarding being transgendered or intersex, or any variation along a spectrum of hormonal differences. Then Dr. Ann Travers, a sociologist at Simon Fraser University who specializes in the areas of sport and gender, especially as related to gay sporting and womens sporting spaces.

It was just fascinating. I felt like I learned so much I have never even thought about before. Dr. Travers spoke about a sporting world that didn't have a male/female dichotomy or divide. She spoke of the possibility that given equal societal expectations and things like equal nutrition, that men and women could be competing at the same level.

Also, both spoke to the evidence thus far that transgendered athletes compete at similar levels to where the competed before their transition.

This panel was great! We had it in one of the fair size lecture halls, and it was nearly full! There were like...whole classes who had to manditorily come to this. And lots of support from the law faculty. I think that Both speakers were engaging, interesting and really intriguing material was presented by each of them. A lot of people were saying that it was one the best talks that has ever come through the law school. Wow...props us! I think its officially shorter just to type out all the names of the ppl in the club than to type out the name of the club...Jess, Didi, Mark, Andy, and Rachael. and Rashida. Yes shorter for sure. Mostly we just call it the gay club now.

Also on this exciting and best day of my week so far, I can speak about the fact that there is going to be a professor visiting soon from Feb 19-ish to March 19-ish from the University if Edinburgh, and she researches in the areas of transgendered persons legal rights, and feminist perspectives in Health Law. Its fascinating research if you ever want to look it up- Dr. Sharon Cowan. So apparently she and Gillian Calder have "danced a paper before". As in, quite literally, dancing out a paper instead of reading it. I don't really understand how that works, but I may ask them to do one. Or perchance I will just ask for a normal reading style lecture. We, and by we I mean the gay club and the Uvic Association of Women and the Law aka UAWL, decided on that at lunch since 3/4 of our regular members were at the UAWL meeting. I love it.

SO morals of the story: 1) Gillian calder is amazing 2) Transgendered sports panel was amazing 3) Visiting prof sounds amazing.

Rach, co-prez of a stellar club, from another cold, but bright and clear Victorian night.

A return of sorts

2008-01-23T00:21:00.000-08:00

I have been letting my blogging and my writing habits slide, which is clearly unwise, though sometimes absolutely necessary. So I am back, here I am, for better or for worse. In the habits of old I propose a list. Things that have saved my life over the past 4 days:

1. My friends. As always. They are the best. Ever. In life.
2. The beach. On Thursday, Saturday, and twice on Sunday. Serenity, beauty, perspective.
3. Writing. On my computer, in my journal, on the beach, on the couch, in my bed. Everywhere. Anywhere.
4. My newly returned copy of Fall on Your Knees by Ann Marie MacDonald, most noteably the most beautiful passage of writing that I have ever read on pages 176 and 177 of this copy.

It is a list of 4. I tried to round it out to 5 but there was not another one. I could have given props to things that actually saved my life like water and food, though the sub-functional oven is not to be thanked.

Thanks to those who I have had especially long talks with. Thanks to those who I have spoken sometimes with. Thanks for reading most of all. I hope all is well in the land that is outside of libraries or the law building.

Much love,
Rach, from a brilliantly clear, bright, almost full moon, crisp, cold Victorian Night

Happy BIrthday Jeffrey!

2008-01-17T01:44:00.000-08:00

Ahhh back to writting. It feels good again. Blazing and writing. Always a good pair. I'm back with my Victorian Nights. I have missed them. Ever since I gave up smoking, I have been staying inside to consume more, which is good for the lungs, but bad for appreciating my lovely victorian nights. THey are a bit cool these days, but still very much worth appreciating the nights on numerous nights out of the week.

Today is Jeffrey's Birthday, so I feel the west coast needs to offer a little bit of a b-day luv and celebrate in style. I don't want to suggest I will be drinking alone in my basement, rather we have our Cultural Extravaganza that night and people usually go out afterwards, so I'm sure a pint or two will be raised.

Were an actual toast required I would say something along the lines of To the best friend anyone could ask for! (and then the grammar nerd in me would say for whom to ask.) To one of the best people I know. To a fantastic listener, supporter in every endeavour, and fellow chill dude. This has been a really great year for a lot of things, and our friendship was one of them. Jeff at 22 you were really fantastic. Now you are Jeff at 23. A new year, we'll see what is to come, but whatever it is, it will be amazing i'm sure. Much love, much love sent all your way.

I am also reminded of my 23rd birthday. It was fairly phenomenal. It was my champagne birthday- that is I turned 23 on the 23rd of April. It was perfect. I made mimosas at noon, ate my favourite foods, read Jeanette Winterson's Sexing the Cherry for a long time, napped, blazed, drank more wine at dinner with Mom and Dad, and more champagne at Jeff's after dessert chez moi. We went to Molly Blooms. I vaguely remember. I didn't remember much the next morning, but Chloe let me know she drove me to the bar. I formally resigned from said establishment around midnight. Appparently I have been to Wink's twice. I really don't remember even having been there. Like at all. And even after all that. they apparently let me in to Jack's, where I may have consumed more or just kind of sat there not know what was going on. Eventually we ended back at Jeff and Ryan's and Ryan and Lauren and I watched V for Vendetta in HRyan's room. Yes HRyan is how I will refer to him. And miraculously I survived it all and did not vomit. Inexplicable I know. That was my 23rd b-day and it was amazing, well the parts I remembered and have been informed of later, and I was surrounded by people that I loved and did exactly what I wanted to do.

I have never made it to the end of this Regina Spektor song, and tonight I just did, and its so beautiful. THe beginning used to trip me out too much and the next song on the play list is one of my favourites so I would just always skip it. But it is beautiful- Daniel Cowman. Intensely beautiful at the end. Also exciting to discover something new in the music you listen to so so frequently. ...music nerd to apparently...my true colours shine....

This was a very long post. Thank you for getting through it. Happy Birthday Jeffrey. Horray for nostalgia. Love to all.

Rach, from a chilly, cloudy Victorian night.

I am enough.

2008-01-09T23:41:00.000-08:00

As a preface to this post:

a) Change=good. Goals= good. I have many. They are important to have.
b) I did not partake in my regular night time activity, and in fact, have only done so once since my return to BC

I find the suffix "est" to be problematic, or any superlative for that matter. It hit me tonight that I don't have to be "est" at anything, and maybe I will never be "est" at anything, and thats really really OK. I just don't have to be the smartest, the prettiest, or the most successful to realize and to know that I am smart, pretty, and successful. I will certainly make no claim to being the happiest, but I have moments of happiness. You know when you're a kid and your parents say that all you have to do is be the best [insert your name here] that you can be? I don't even have the expectation that I will be the best at that all the time. Sometimes I'm not the best Rachael I can be. We all make poor decisions, perform at levels that don't meet our own personal expectations, and straight-up just fuck up.

BUT.......the beautiful thing is- and it is definitely something that I am in the process of learning, and that I will likely forget sometimes- I am enough. Period. I am enough. Like I said, I am not the smartest, the prettiest or the most successful, but I am enough. Separate from what I do, what I achieve, what awards I win or don't win, and what grade I got on my torts exam, I am enough.

The thing is, no one out there is telling us that. I don't know if I have ever heard that in general, let alone heard that in direct relation to me. I certainly don't think I've ever felt that before. The media, society, my parents, all let me know on a fairly regular basis that I am in constant need of improvement, that I am not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, that I need to do something, that action of some sort is required to better myself somehow. No one is telling us that just because we exist, just because we are human, in and of ourselves, we are enough. Without conditions, constant judgment, and intense scrutiny, I merit love and elicit pride just because I'm me. Oprah would call this an ah-ha moment.

me, from a windy victorian night

Merry Christmas my loves.

2007-12-24T22:04:00.001-08:00

It's Christmas. The holiday comes with lots of complicated family interactions. They are not entirely pleasant. The goal is in and out in less than 2 hours. Tonight we succeeded. I am not a fan of tradition as we all know, and tonight my brother escaped the traditional family night viewing of Chrismas vacation. He went to visit a couple good friends instead of staring at a tv screen. good call.

In the future, I am going to switch it up. Next Christmas, I will see the people I love on Christmas too, if we're all lucky enough to be in the same city at the same time. Tomorrow sees the return of two of my most favourite people to London, and I cannot wait to see them. They are the people I love and they are who I want to spend my Christmas with. It's one of my favourite holidays, as it is for most people, and I love that some people's homes are places where you are always welcome. I love the warmth that fills those houses and I love to be there.

I am so happy to be back in London, back with my favourite people on earth. My friends are my rocks, my inspirations, and my loves of life. I am glad to be here with you. It feels right. It feels perfect. Merry Christmas my loves. I am so eternally grateful to have each one of you in my life.

Merry Christmas from a chilly London night. Smoking has returned to the basement.

We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?

2007-12-12T01:19:00.000-08:00

Part of the reason that I'm so looking forward to going home for Christmas is getting to have a few less responsibilities on a day to day basis for just a little while. I won't have to make sure the door is locked every time I leave the house, or make sure the lights are all out upon leaving a room cuz other people will be in there! I won't even have to make dinner every night...awesomeness.

"Do you remember when you were 8 and all you worried about was whether you were going to get a bike for Christmas, or whether you get to eat cookies for breakfast?" asked Meredith Grey on this episode I'm watching right now...looks like not a good night for sleeping before 1 am... I remember those days when I didn't have to worry about making sure I had food in the house or money for rent. I guess that's what happens when you become an adult...but it does just kind of creep up on you. All of a sudden the milk went sour and you're eating left over pizza for breakfast.

Random thoughts that aren't torts are non-existent with the exception of those. That is all. rach, from a mild, clear lovely victorian night.

Law studies at the local pub.

2007-12-11T00:08:00.000-08:00

The Peeny Farthing is the Oak Bay Pub. It is quaint and in the old British style; around this time of year it is festively decorated and the fire is lit so its cozy and warm. Tonight a couple of us went there to study and one or more of us left a little tipsier than when we had arrived. The studying was helpful...kind of. I made notes, underlined, etc. all over a pint of Smithwick's. Delicious. And then Jess had never had champagne, so we had some...we toasted to being one-third done, and to life and all it brings. It was fantastic.

Law school is wonderful sometimes. In the midst of chaos, around others, there's that humanity that I lacked. Ah it was awesome.

I followed up with a brilliantly long conversation with Heather. It was so nice to catch up and discuss life. I am so excited to go home to my friends and family, all in one place again, for Christmas. Hopefully my dad and I can bond over smoking, and that we can drink wine, and catch up. It is going to be lovely. I have never been so excited for something in life. It's awesome. Life is alright.

from a milder night, that i may or may not revisit.

We leave the sound on cuz silence is harder.

2007-12-10T01:04:00.000-08:00

We leave the sound on cuz silence is harder, a beautiful songwritter once wrote, and its true a lot of the time. We need to be forever stimulated by something. A walk home would be too far without listening to an ipod. An trip to the grocery store, nearly unbearable. At home I don't eat in silence; the tv or my computer is always distracting me from thought.

But at night, outside, a lot of the time I will spend it just quietly out there; no music, no anything to distract my thoughts. It allows for a lot of reflection time at the end of all my days. Sometimes I don;t have much to think about other than the Mariner case for property law, but usually I can store that somewhere else, and focus on something unrelated to school. Anything else. And the nights lend themsleves beautifully to that. Each one carries with it a different pattern of rustling in the trees, or the clouds passing by or the different constellations in the sky. Sometimes the starts are subtle and sometimes the night is crystal clear. The moon comes in its cycles, and reminds me of certain times aligning with them, because I spend so much time looking at the sky...I am a feind of the night. I am an appreciator of the evening, and the late afternoon, but I have never been a morning lover. I just can't do them. I know they are beautiful of their own accord, they feel so sleepy and like you're the only one up and saying hello to the day. I have remarkable had that experience in many different countries and cities, and watching a city wake up is something new everywhere, and its fascinating and wonderful to watch.

But still, there is something about the night that makes it more inherently appealing. Most people are sleeping, and you are still up. You know others are up too though, other night lovers, and there are so many possibilities of what people are doing up so late. No matter what you are doing, you know you have someone somewhere that is doing the same thing. Someone else is cramming for their property exam. Someone is blazing. Someone is folding their laundry...shite I haven't done that yet. Someone is watching a movie as they fall asleep. Its comforting to know.

Its been quite the rant, hopefully semi-coherent. I make no promises either way, but if you made it this far, great. I have studied a lot of property and am due to get up in 4.5 hours to finish up. Oh god. that is foul. at least im chilling right now....

rach, from a cloudy, starless, chilly, damp, regina spektor filled night

9 kms for Latkas

2007-12-09T01:06:00.000-08:00

My expectations of what is too far to walk have drastically changed. I used to drive to my friend's place who lives maybe a 20 minute walk away. When I had a car to go everywhere, my laziness peaked. I'm not saying I won't revert to old habits when I'm home at Christmas, but in Victoria, nothing seems that far. Tonight I walked 9 kms.

I was on my way to a Patoto Pancakes aka latka party at Gord's place to celebrate Hanukkah. I walked to my friend's place in Fernwood, and together we went up to Gord's. Up is the truth. He lives at the top of a street named The Rise. Streets named like that imply steep. And it was. It is one of the highest points in the city, which I naturally took advantage of for a solid spot to blaze after the latka party. It appears as though I am out of shape. This is not a surprise, but becomes apparent when required to climb to the top of a city that is surrounded by places called Mount Tolmie, and Mount Doug and where there are streets called the rise. I definitly am better now than I right after moving, but there's room for improvement.

The Hanukkah party was nice. There were only a few law kids there by the time we arrived, but it was fun. We chatted, I ate some latkas with apple sauce, sour cream, or confectioner's sugar. All were delicious! The night began with 20 lbs of potatoes and when we arrived they had only a bowl left. There was a serious crew of cooks though, and the beautiful house overlooking a stunning city smelled of fried potatoey goodness. We stayed for an hour, and then blazed at the egde of the road, and then started the walk (all downhill!!!!!!!!!!!) back. 9 kms later, I am back where I started after a lovely but freeeezing night out and about. okay it was maybe around zero. there was serious frost on the windows of all the cars...but no minus 20 like people elsewhere and obviously we have no snow.

There has been no instrumental christmas music on the yule log channel the whole time i have been writting. This is getting ridiculous. Where is Joe?, I ask myself at a time like this.

Rach
from a long journey of a night

People! Beer!

2007-12-08T00:55:00.000-08:00

Wow. That is what happens when I post having not chilled out about life enough. Sanity entered sometime around when I handed in my LLP exam, that only final that mattered, and went to the pub for a beer and some grub. Returning to the Frase, I attempted to study for Crim, but tiredness and mild intoxication caused me to read 3 pages and call it quits. I decided I would join some fellow law friends in an evening of Noodle Box dinner and a viewing of The Golden Compass. We followed those activities up with a pint of beer at a downtown pub, and had a fantastic day! I needed relief in the stormy period of exams. People, socializing, and only incidentally talking about law. A brilliant evening; an evening that soothed the need for human interaction and real socializing.

from a very cold, very very cold victorian night. rach

On Being Invisible

2007-12-06T21:55:00.000-08:00

Especially here, especially now, that is how I feel. Exams are an isolating time. When you don't have any friends in the city who aren't in law school, it is impossible to escape the feeling of isolation that comes with living in the Fraser Building bubble for as many hours a day as you don't, or just about. Everyone is stressed. No one wants to do anything except study, because everyone is a keener; that's how we got here after all. Last night, I thought uttered something along the lines of how I would give anything to just have a McJob right now. It is difficult, if not nearly impossible, to remain grounded in the chaos and remember how fortunate we are that we have access to this level of education.

On top of exams being an isolating time, I don't have a roommate or a housemate or a significant other to come home to. This blog is my nightly debrief. Other means of communication, or lack thereof, further fuel this feeling of loneliness. I received one phone call today, and one yesterday. I got one personal email and a facebook wall post. Being surrounded by people, not one of whom actually loves you, makes it hard to feel anything but like the loneliest person alive. I usually enjoy my alone time, but that is not the same as being lonely. I am genuinely lonely. That is how I am, which I would be my response if asked, but people stopped asking how other people were doing a while ago, because the response usually the same. We are all fine, except no one is fine. Fine means not fine, and everyone knows that.

The first day, the president of the LSS advised us to remain human; that behind all of these cases are human beings who lives were affected by the cases we study. Policy is developed and laws are passed to regulate human actions, and we study them all day, and yet law feels like a dehumanizing process right now. Humans are social creatures, but we forget that and leave it out of the equation when we really need each other most. It has been weeks since I hugged someone, and days since I have physically placed a comforting hand on someone's arm, or received either.

Moving across the country was my decision, I know. And I like it most of the time. But this feeling of loneliness is by far the most invasive negative factor, and I just did not expect it. I know things could be so much worse, but it feels pretty awful as it is. Christmas really cannot come soon enough. I cannot wait to be in the presence of people I love and who love me back.

Rach,
the first non-mj induced blog post...clearly an indication that I should maybe go remedy my foul emotional state with my fav green herb

15 days of hell; not the 12 days of Christmas

2007-12-06T00:54:00.000-08:00

Law school exams are awful. They are fucking rough, there is just no sugar coating them. This is what all my law school friends told me about hating law school and questioning why they went and advising me very explicitly against coming. They are why I have had random moments of tears for the past two days. They are why I questioned, and then worked through, why I came to law school, and whether I should consider cutting my losses, and avoiding the next 2.5 years of hell.

And yet, inexplicably, I am still here. studying for 6-7 hours a day in the library or at home for the past week. Rising to the challenge? Refusing to be defeated? even though I do at moments, feel that way...a lot of moments equalling a lot of the time. Or maybe the knowledge that this is do-able, and that if there is any one who can make that happen that is me. This is the sort of thing that I can do. It will be fine. Because it was to be fine. (Help not hurt. Help not hurt.) Thanks UVic law for bringing in the smallest amount of hope into a dark place.

an exhausted, despite the 11 hours of sleep, me. i did spend a short amount of time with the night, though compared to last night it seems very lacking.

The Most Perfect Victorian Night

2007-12-04T22:44:00.000-08:00

Had I written this blog two hours earlier, it would have told a completely different tale. Instead of a story about how I layed on the beach looking at the stars, you would have heard a cathartic story of how the stress of exams and me missing people and feeling lonely now that its around Christmas led to a notorious floor session. Because as we all know, when you're on the floor you can't get any lower; you can only go up from there.

So, I picked myself up off the floor, rolled a joint, and headed down to the beach. The tide was out and the beach was clear. The sand was smooth, since it was likely all under water earlier today. There was hardly any lumber and there was no kelp. The lights of Port Angeles were there in the distance, not too bright or invasive, just noticeable. The sky was cloudy in patches that looking stunning by the lights of the city and whispy against the bright, clear dark black night. The starts actually twinkled. It may have been the fact that I had been crying earlier, or that I was blazed, but they twinkled, especially against the reflective sky.

The waves were rippling on the east side of the horshoe like bay, and the waters on the west side were calm. It was late enough that no one was down there, and its Oak Bay, so the odds of people being sketchy are low. After some quality time spent sitting on a lonely log, stareing up at the sky, and listening to the waves, I moved to the sand. It was cool and wet, but it was just fine. Again, on the ground there is no where lower to go. It was so, quite literally, grounding. The way you can relax and just completely lend yourself to the countours of the beach. There were no distractions. Just me and the sky, the stars, the sand beneath me, the sounds of the ocean, and the wind against by face. It was mild, but the wind let its presence be know.

It was serene. The tranquility of the night made the world make a little bit of sense again. Beyond me, there is a whole world. No matter what I do or don't do, tomorrow the moon will rise and the stars will sparkle against a night sky somewhere. The beach always makes me make a little sense of the relativity of my life, our lives. Most of the time, this grounds me; some of the time it makes me feel powerless; some of the time it makes me feel motivated and empowered to make a footprint, to do something that matters. And preferably something that matters to me and a lot of other people.

I felt exausted after I got up off the floor. I considered just a walk around the block to return and go to bed. But once I got outside and looked up at the stunning night sky, my feet took me in the right direction. Thank goodness. I have this perfect night of serenity to ground me as I head into the chaos of exams. No matter how stormy the waters become, the calm will arrive eventually. The end is approaching. I may need another one before exams are through.

Rach,
after the most perfect Victorian night.

Heck yes Men With Brooms

2007-12-03T23:51:00.000-08:00

Its true. I am watching Men With Brooms. I have a secret...I love Canadiana, especially when it involves things like curling, beavers, and Sarah Harmer songs. And other notoriously Canadian things like Leslie Neilson and the occasional joint appear from time to time. Brilliant!

Seriously, this movie is fantastic to watch after a serious day of studying and a nighttime moment. I had other things typed about my general enjoyment of this movie and all things Canadiana, but I deleted them for the purposes of not sounding like an idiot tomorrow.

Its not a Christmas movie, but it has to do because I am out of Christmas movies. I will have to rely on the ones on tv and find out when they are and watch them.

This blog entry has gone downhill. Bagpipes- yes! Good night. Today I studied for 6 hours...my brain is spent. Not as spent as Chloe's, but still spent for this evening.

My love to all, cuz I feel like people are really stressed out there. Maybe its just law school, but I know others are too.

Rach
from another really rainy mild night, which is better than the snow that the northern part of the island had.

To Joe, the tender of fire

2007-12-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

New Post. I always wonder what will become of the post as I write. But then I wonder if people think I'm on a non-discript rant for half my blog. I dont intend there to be structure and flow. Sometimes a thought will lead me down a tangent. I thank you for reading anyways.

Tonight my thought is about Joe. "Who is Joe?" one might ponder. Any Victorian would point you to channel 51 starting about this time every year (I don't exactly know when it begins, but it was on for some of November too). Joe, my friends, is the man wearing the blue flannel shirt who pokes the firelog that is burning bright on channel 51. I want to turn it on right now. In fact I will.

I did. There is music playing this time. Sometimes they let the log burn bright just on its own and you get to listen to the crackling. Other times there is instrumental versions (and only instrumental versions) of Christmas songs. It's just lovely. I love it. And my Christmas garland is hung behind my TV and it just all is so festive and wonderful.

I recently confessed my love for Joe on our facebook group wall, to a response of, "Wow, you converted for Joe? He must be one awesome man!". Truth is, I heart Joe. Convert-worthy, I'm not sure its likely. But Joe is a great guy. That fire would go out if you weren't tending to it, and who would bring a glimmer of hope via blue flannel to our hearts? Sometimes he even adds logs and gives the fire a good shake. Even if his songs duties slack a bit, Joe is good people. I'm looking foreward to having him around for the holidays, and to get me through exams.

Rach, who is here and alive after a really interesting (aka intoxicated) Saturday night, but who spent the day recovering and hydrating, and is feeling alright. Only confusing incidents involving a(ITS JOE!! HE"S ON THE SCREEN!) kiss with a boy after a failed euchre game. Not involving consequences of said euchre game, but on his own accord, professing his general enjoyment of me, and me of him (this feeling of hearting each other in a mutual way). Those are all the details you get. And who did manage to squeeze in a Victorian night session this evening. It was pissing rain all day, and still was tonight. Foul.

Red Red Wine and other goodness

2007-12-01T02:12:00.000-08:00

...have rendered me exhausted and burnt out. But I had a beautiful walk home from Fernwood (where I consumed said aforementioned goods), where there are soooo many beautiful places to explore to blaze in. It was a peaceful and beautiful stroll through beautiful Victorian neighbourhoods.

Also, I enjoyed some summer nostalgia tunes. It was intense. Oh Serena Ryder....oh how music inevitably becomes the evolving soundtrack of our lives.

I am breaking the no L-Word before bed rule. I'm watching my favourite episode. Season 1 episode 9. Check it out.

rach, from what was a cool, beautiful Victoria night

The Law and the Gaze...nope this time its actually the Gays.

2007-11-30T01:40:00.000-08:00

It's my first blog post from bed! Which means it should be chiller than its going to be. Because inevitably its not a happy one since I was immersed in Criminal Law all day. First, marijuana laws are found to be proportional since imprisonment is only an option for possession. Next, up the police force people to incriminate a Cree man for killing a person. Finally, a bookstore specializing in selling gay and lesbian materials is discriminated against at the border over a period of a number of years based solely on sexual orientation. My favourite line in the judgment says something to the tune of...since being homosexual inherently involves sex (as its central theme or something) and the materials you are importing are about homosexuals and thus sex, then blah blah blah. It was awesome. But they won...so now I can go get all the homosexual books I want at my local Little Sisters Book and Art Emporium in Vancouver's Davie Village. I'm not gonna lie...I already did buy books there. These are the books I purchased there in September:

1. Fall on Your Knees by Ann Marie MacDonald
2. The Way the Crow Flies by Ann Marie MacDonald, which is now autographed by her from the West Coast LEAF Person's Day Wine and Cheese Equality Fundraiser
3. Lady Oracle by Margaret Atwood

Its a pretty effin solid list if I do say so myself. I love that Jenna took me there, and that I bought them, and because she knew that I would love that I had gone there when we talked about them in Crim and Constitutional. An intersection of my nerdy love for literature and law. And things related to gay people...

Ew the law gets you down a lot of the time. I have to switch it up between the hard to read classes like crim and torts and the boring classes that couldn't trigger anything in life like property or i guess if I had ever read contracts it would go in that category. The word on the street is no more law talk.

Hmmm....things related to gay people. I could go back to that. Things related to gay people are so interesting and diverse and there are so many different experiences of life...and everyone has a story that is like...necessarily a story. People will ask you your story. Everyone has a story even if its nothing much, it exists and becomes a question like where are you from or what are you studying. I think its so interesting. It would be a cool project to just get people's coming out stories and compare and contrast different experiences in a widespread way. People's stories become rehearsed somewhat, but its a very fundamental event and people's eyes take on a special glint when they are narrating it. The first time I was asked what my story was, I had no response. I had to think of what that could possibly entail. Its different for different audiences, but its a standard story. Different phases will be added or excluded based on who's asking...its perpetually ongoing...I'm inarticulate and tired. there's my first gay blog rant too. An evening of firsts.

rach...peacing out from a warmish and cloudy, previously freezing and clear, victoria night.

Christmas on Cowichan.

2007-11-28T22:32:00.000-08:00

Today I did not spend 12.5 hours at Begbie high. Today I spent 7 hours only. Awesome! Then I went to get Christmas decorations at Zellers, and I bought a coffee grinder...like an early Christmas present to myself. My apartment is full of Christmas cheer. I will never want to ruin it with studying here again. My mom would prolly say its a weak decorating job, but we have high standards and I think its gonna have to do and I think its lovely. There are lights and silver and red garland. Yeah! I love Christmas.

It was a long and intense day at schoolio and I just couldn't stand another all consuming eve in the library. I was school burnt out. I needed a night of rejuvenation. So I had one. Hooray. Um I feel this blog is really unexciting today too. I will tell a humerous anecdote from a brilliantly complex event that occured to me recently.....

On friday night one Jeff W. and I went to purchase beer at the local beer store near the Safeway. On our way back, I was carrying the 12 pack, and we were walking down Foul Bay Road, where I have wandered many times smoking before. Luckily we had done that before we left for the store. And ate Thai. So...a police officer pulled out of a side street, and rolled down the passenger window to speak with us.

"What kind of a gentleman are you?!" the police officer asks Jeff. And keeps on driving.

Awesome.....that is freaking fantastic. Thank you officers of the law in this fine nation of ours.

12.5 hours at Begbie High

2007-11-28T00:28:00.000-08:00

Today I was at the Fraser Law Building aka Begbie High for 12.5 hours. That makes me want to vomit. It would make any reasonable person want to vomit. Tomorrow I will only stay for 9.5 hours. That seems a little more humane, but just barely...really.

I haven't even been outside tonight.

I feel like there needs to be a redeeming aspect to this otherwise complaint of a rant. It will be a list.

Top five movies I have watched in the last week:
1. Paris, Je T'aime
2. Love Actually
3. Little Miss Sunshine
4. The Family Stone
5. Bridget Jones Diary (the original) and Elf tie for fifth

Rach
It was effing cold when I had to carry milk home from the Safeway tonight b/c I was going to make muffins but then i didn't...kind of victorian night.

2007-11-27T01:32:00.000-08:00

Today (Nov 26/07), at the age of 74, former Supreme Court Justice Antonio Lamer died. I have read some of his judgments, and don't remember most of them, but I remember one, and I didn't like it. I don't have a very strong opinion on him yet, but I'm sure I will by the end of my law career, and at least I will have commented on him in some form upon his death. You don't get to be a Supreme Court Justice without deserving a props of some sort. And...about 3 people who read this blog will ever care about this, but every professor talked about it today at law school, so seems like it should be important to me in this world I exist in most hours of most days. So in closing...
Lamer-I look foreward to getting to know this man's judgments better over the next few years...

The Law School Version of Me

Christmas in London and Snow in Victoria

2007-11-26T23:25:00.000-08:00

I called home sometime last week to check in the the ol' fam as I like to do from time to time, and I began to ask about the Christmas decorating. Exterior Illumination is go big or go home style in my immediate family. Christmas is serious. There have been awards won in the past. When pressed, my father responded, sounding only mildly convinced,

"Your mother says she's going to boycott this year."

I don't believe it for a second. I ask my mom about it later, and she says the same, but not with quite the conviction I would expect from a full-out boycotter. All she needed was a little pressing encouragement...."Mom it just won't be the same if you can't see our house from the bottom of the Byron hill," I noted. And it wouldn't be the same if I didn't have to battle an inflatable Santa on the one side and Penguin on the other to enter my front door. And it really wouldn't be the same to not see the ever-expanding line-up of light-covered wire figures, and the magenta-lights which have been there ever since I can remember. They have been there for 23 Christmases now, and I'm not one to break consistency. Why stop now. And why stop covering every bush and tree and inch of deck space in the backyard with lights.

But why stop now. Why boycott holiday illumination after all these years? Why, when it makes people happy. When families go on walks and slow and stop in front of our house and just watch for a while. Or when cars slow down as they drive by. Its nice. I mean, despite the hydro bill, and the waste of electricity, its lovely. It makes my mom happy to do it. It brings warm comforting thoughts to know that things are going on as normal, as they should be, back in ol' London, Ontario. Christmas would NOT be Christmas without the Santa and Penguin, the blinding lights, and the garland-covered railings with soft while lights, and the snowman head everyone affectionately calls Cool-io, and the fiberglass christmas tree Heather and I decorated blazed last year. Don't tell my mom that for sure. And it would be the same without watching Christmas Vacation or the Santa Clause on Christmas Eve, and without watching the Disney Christmas Day Parade on Christmas morning with the gas fireplace going, and without the Christmas dinner that always smells amazing while its cooking all day. Mmmmm.

So Christmas in London will be a wonderful thing. It will be a beautiful, relaxing time with friends and family. No matter the potential obstacles and challenges that inherently lie with being at home for a couple of weeks with a family that, well....that's another post entirely.

A bientot mes amours,
Rach
pee ess: IT SNOWED in Victoria tonight. Jess and I ran out of the library to go see it snow. And we had to wipe off the car when we left the library at 9. It Snowed!!!! But tonight was SUCH a brilliantly clear night! It was stunning. The moon was sooo bright, 3/4 full, and the starts were bright too. There werea few clouds off in the distance, but wow was it cold! Brrrr! Oh I love these nights...they each have a different persona.

Summer Nostalgia

2007-11-26T00:06:00.000-08:00

With nothing but the most reckless of abandon, I embraced this weekend visit of a close friend from London. From the moment we entered the warm apartment on Friday evening until I saw him off at the bus stop this afternoon, we were under the relaxing, often euphoric, in this case nostalgic grips of, well.... this one time I went to law school....no I will not censor....blazedness. It reminded me of summer so much, and I had one fabulous summer. In the madness of outlines, exam prep and catch-up-readings, I got to step out of the chaos, and return to a time and feeling of ...i dunno...that feeling that you have in the summer. No responsibilities, no deadlines, no readings; just time spent with friends, beautiful weather, pub nights, and chilling. And all that chilling entails. We watched great movies (summer notable mention: Paris, Je t'aime), spent lots of time on the beach, watched sunsets, ate delicious food, took photos, talked, sat in silence, explored inner coves of the downtown, reminisced, made future plans and ate in the harbour. The weather was beautiful both days, but today it was especially bright and sunny. This weekend was wonderfully refreshing, restorative, and leaves me looking forward to Christmas like no other. It was so so wonderful to have Jeff here this weekend.

This evening, alone again, I sat out on my steps and did what I do out on the steps and listened to summer music, but it was really cold. They're calling for snow. Maybe my weekend will be extended another day. But it wouldn't be the same. Jeff wouldn't be here. I have no one with whom to reminisce (*do you remember that party where we ate 9 boxes of girl guide cookies? and do you remember when we almost got signed up for a walking marathon?*). The real world begins again tomorrow, and likely won't end until the day of my last exam on Dec 19, but I have this weekend to remember what I have to look forward to at the end when I get home.

Mmmm bliss.
from an effing cold, yet blissfully relaxing, Victoria night.

I made a blog.

2007-11-22T22:40:00.000-08:00

I made a blog. I don't know why I didn't make a blog before, but I realise its kind of a good thing for the creative writter side in me to just get thoughts flowing and personalise my time here. So the name is because no matter where I go in the interms or for how many months or weeks I am there, Victoria will be my main scene for the next few years or so. Which is fantasitcally wonderful because I really do love this city. And the night is my time here. Every day I stay and attampt to be productive and then after 8 is my time for being prodcutive at home or for doing whatever I want.

This was a good day at school...maybe because I slept through Contracts and Torts, (no not actually in the class, but in my bed at home. I hove broken bad habits) but also because there was the community social which involved everyone coming out, staff and students and others, to eat free snacks, have a few drinks if they wanted from the cash bar, and sing some kareoke. It was actaully a great time. There were some pretty fab randitions of Total Ecilpse of the Heart, and everyone's favourite Disney (tm??-oh god...insert vomit noise here) ballad " A Whole New World" sung only by two of the finest: Josh K. and David C.. There were country tunes, old school tunes like Don't Worry Be Happy and a particuarly interesting randition of (this is when I decided to leave. nothing intended in any way) Red Red Wine. I kind of love it though that this is where I go to law school. Where in the heat of November cramming, everyone takes a few hours to take a load off and make a potential fool out of them selves to destress and like...bond. *We're making memories.* Ah....but u know I kinda like it....

So thus is my blog. I will often rant. I envision lists occurring. I envision random thoughts a plenty. One liners. Days with nothing but nerdiness, and thus, nothing to say. But actually, most days, actually all days, end in the same way. With a little time outside with the Victorian night. Some times I go to the beach and have a long evening date with Victoria, and other nights its just about..well 20 minutes or so...So maybe this will join the evening routine. I'm not making any promises either way.

Please enjoy. Or don't I guess. It's really up to you.

My love to all who are likely reading at his point.
Rachael
from a lovely crisp COLD Victorian night. Where the moon was bright but hidden behind the clouds.