Tonight, we can rest easier. Change we can believe in.
I spoke to my Guatemalan roommate who is from Chicago to congratulate her. She was so thrilled, her excitement infectious. It was so wonderful to hear excitement around the world for what happened tonight. Its historic, we will likely always remember tonight. Excitement is titillating in the American people and it reaches far. This was quite the mandate- people want change. Thank goodness, America. You had some of us on the edge of our seats. Virginia and North Caroline were close. It was an epic evening. I watched from beginning to end in the student lounge at the law school. My favourite evening aside from the general anticipation and excitement was when Anna rode the Begbie horse with the Obama/Biden Flag. Who knew he was such a democratic supporter?
What a happy day for America, and for the world. Hopefully he will approach with humanity, courage, and strength his opportunity to change. It will be with much resistance that he is embraced. Hopefully he will find his support more and more broadly, as might indicate the map. But again, it is not without great struggles, with which the world will have to be patient, that he will proceed.
I celebrated with a maple flavour in solidarity. Yeah!
from a clear, starry, hopeful, vicorian night,
luv rach
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Election 2008
"Its not that anyone lost. Its that there was nothing to win." -Rex Murphay
On the eve of the 40th Canadian Federal Election, another Conservative minority takes the mandate of the nation. A very conservative Canada showed its colours today. Blue gained new ground across the nation, save for in Quebec.
We must made Canada a fair society, says Stephane Dion. I don't anticipate that will happen under the new, larger, Harper minority. We've sat here for years, watching slashes and the resulting closures of the Law Commission of Canada and the National Assocation of Women and the Law. Equality has been achieved in Canada, didn't you know. Given my last post, I beg to differ. Given the recent gay bashing on Davie St in Vancouver's Village, I make my point.
24 Conservative,19 Liberal, 14 Bloq, 12 NDP women for 70 (leading and elected) women out of 308. A major step forward
10 million eligible voters chose not to vote today. I'm not proud of that. though maybe I understand some reasons why one wouldn't vote in this system. It doesn't look very democratic to me.
Our system is not very democratic in its structure. When a party that 6% of voters chose doesn't receive a seat in the house, what does that say? Or when a governement with only 39% of the vote has nearly 50% of the seats. MMP anyone?
When I see this prime minister, not my prime minister, it makes me okay with judicial activism. Fill your boots, Binnie, Abella and Bev. Well, maybe not Bev.
What will you deliver, Mister Harper? Something better than we've got. "We thank Miss May for her participation in this election." Thanks...that's all? She was the best leader up there.
So, as we sleep tonight, dreams of change in conservative Canada slip further from our reach.
On the eve of the 40th Canadian Federal Election, another Conservative minority takes the mandate of the nation. A very conservative Canada showed its colours today. Blue gained new ground across the nation, save for in Quebec.
We must made Canada a fair society, says Stephane Dion. I don't anticipate that will happen under the new, larger, Harper minority. We've sat here for years, watching slashes and the resulting closures of the Law Commission of Canada and the National Assocation of Women and the Law. Equality has been achieved in Canada, didn't you know. Given my last post, I beg to differ. Given the recent gay bashing on Davie St in Vancouver's Village, I make my point.
24 Conservative,19 Liberal, 14 Bloq, 12 NDP women for 70 (leading and elected) women out of 308. A major step forward
10 million eligible voters chose not to vote today. I'm not proud of that. though maybe I understand some reasons why one wouldn't vote in this system. It doesn't look very democratic to me.
Our system is not very democratic in its structure. When a party that 6% of voters chose doesn't receive a seat in the house, what does that say? Or when a governement with only 39% of the vote has nearly 50% of the seats. MMP anyone?
When I see this prime minister, not my prime minister, it makes me okay with judicial activism. Fill your boots, Binnie, Abella and Bev. Well, maybe not Bev.
What will you deliver, Mister Harper? Something better than we've got. "We thank Miss May for her participation in this election." Thanks...that's all? She was the best leader up there.
So, as we sleep tonight, dreams of change in conservative Canada slip further from our reach.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Londoners with Pride?
Courtesy of Heather's blog, I have found a lot to write about in my away time regarding my thoughts on issues at home. Here's another one. The newspaper in my home town fairly sub-par. The accompanying tv station used to close every night with a shot of a waterskiing squirel or a returned pet that had been missing in Mississippi. This article covers the annual Gay Pride Parade. I especially like the title: Not all have jovial time at parade celebration. Well, I bet a lot did, excpet if you were to ask one of 12 protesters at the parade, which, of course, would represent the opinion that the majority of Londoners would want to hear.
"Londoners Grace and Neal Vangalen stood in silent witness as a parade of tattooed and tarted-up humanity passed by them on Dundas Street yesterday". Sinners, every last one. Its a good thing they have Jesus behind them, supporting their hate. "The Bible condems this", 80 year old Neal states. The wife finds the growing support of politicians and corporations troubling. This is the city I grew up in. I was spawned of this corporate conservative Southwestern Ontario city with one of the best business schools in Canada and local politicians to back big business tax cuts. Yet so were many of my closest and dearest friends in the world, and I think we've managed to turn out just fine, luckily. It could have happened so differently.
How different we are from the nation's largest city just two hours down the road. Their pride celebration draws millions of people from around the world. How lovely is it that in Victoria and in the west, people are cool with whoever you are. Its cool, you're here, welcome. Not tarted-up humanity, but a respected part of a vibrant community. Thanks, London, for the open arms.
Heather noted that when the newspaper isn't masturbating over the union of Anne-Marie DeCicco and Tim Best, they manage to cover something in the meantime. Its a good thing our mayor squeaked into this article, noting her letter of support, because it sure wasn't covering anything worthwhile reading this time. It would have been nice to read an article about Pride in London from someone who took part in the festivities, to see how they enjoyed them, or even from an organizer. But I'm no journalist, I suppose.
"Londoners Grace and Neal Vangalen stood in silent witness as a parade of tattooed and tarted-up humanity passed by them on Dundas Street yesterday". Sinners, every last one. Its a good thing they have Jesus behind them, supporting their hate. "The Bible condems this", 80 year old Neal states. The wife finds the growing support of politicians and corporations troubling. This is the city I grew up in. I was spawned of this corporate conservative Southwestern Ontario city with one of the best business schools in Canada and local politicians to back big business tax cuts. Yet so were many of my closest and dearest friends in the world, and I think we've managed to turn out just fine, luckily. It could have happened so differently.
How different we are from the nation's largest city just two hours down the road. Their pride celebration draws millions of people from around the world. How lovely is it that in Victoria and in the west, people are cool with whoever you are. Its cool, you're here, welcome. Not tarted-up humanity, but a respected part of a vibrant community. Thanks, London, for the open arms.
Heather noted that when the newspaper isn't masturbating over the union of Anne-Marie DeCicco and Tim Best, they manage to cover something in the meantime. Its a good thing our mayor squeaked into this article, noting her letter of support, because it sure wasn't covering anything worthwhile reading this time. It would have been nice to read an article about Pride in London from someone who took part in the festivities, to see how they enjoyed them, or even from an organizer. But I'm no journalist, I suppose.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
My Summer of Detox
When I left Victoria, I had braced myself for a summer of detox. No smoking of any kind, and no drinking. I arrived in Rabinal only to discover that these rules have no application. The modified version of these rules is as follows: don’t do it in public. In the comfort of your own home, anything goes. As such, my Guatemalan nights have been wonderfully relaxing and amazingly stunning.
In terms of purchasing my vices, there is a store just down the road where I go. The woman smirks each time I buy the litre bottles of beer. The other Canadians used to send the boys to buy it, but now there are no boys, so it’s all me. Basically in Rabinal when a woman purchases beer or smokes a cigarette in public, everyone thinks she is a godless, immoral whore. While I am aware of this belief, I can’t be bothered to buy into this cultural construction. And things are changing a bit. The women with whom I work and with whom I am friends all drink every so often, maybe I would say regularly, with no hesitation. So when I would like to have a glass of beer, I am going to buy it myself and take it home to consume since I have no other alternative. That’s the word.
And in terms of my other beloved vice, I was gifted a nug before the departure of my housemates. Said nug has sustained me thus far, though it is on its last legs. I partake with my housemate most nights, but her stash too is nearing the end. One of us will have to make a trip to the lake very soon. I might go not this weekend, but next. I am saving my last bit for Canada Day…that´s just how it has to be. There can be no Canada Day without it. We are celebrating in style next Tuesday.
The status of the third vice in the sex, drugs and alcohol threesome is perhaps the tamest, given the culture in which I find myself. The one lesbian in town, aka my friend Sofia, is currently suffering heartbreak (re to previous entry), though this has not hindered the rapid development of an impossible crush.
That is the current status of my summer of detox and my Guatemalan Nights. More to follow shortly on my trip to the lake and that crush…
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Lovers in a Dangerous Time
Greetings from Guate. I know its been a very long while since I have written anything in my Victorian nights blog...mostly because I am currently very far from Victoria. However, here in Guate, curteousy of my roommate Steph, I have been regularly indulging in the general impetus for my Victorian nights blog. I have had many a Guatemalan night doing the same activity as I do in Victoria. However, rather than coming inside from my steps and writing in my blog, I return to my room after we are finished our choice movie of the night and collapse in bed and fall asleep pretty instantaneously. It's lovely. I had once sworn to a summer of detox...it lasted 8 days. Life happens.
But I digress. I have decided that I will try to update this blog more regularly with stories that are less appropriate for my other blog. I try not to censor this blog at all, while my Guatemalan blog address has been emailed to everyone from my family to my employers. And so...lovers in a dangerous time.
As all who are reading know, this has been a really intense year for me. Possibly the most intense ever. The intensity has centred around two themes: law school and the experience of my first relationship. The exerience of my first relationship came with a lot of extras that heterosexual people just don't have to deal with. Along with the general stress of it all, the experience entailed coming out to my extended family, various co-workers, and ultimately making the decision to just live "out" to everyone I know, and will know in the future.
Luckily, I live in Canada. In 2003, the government legalised same-sex marriage and in the course of doing so, shifted the nation's views on homosexuality. I'm not pretending that homophobia isn't still a huge issue, but there are some things that are now realities that never were before. I could have married my significant other if I we had conceivably made it that far. I got to walk down the street holding hands with my girlfriend. I could kiss her in public. We could make out in the bar, dance, and be a couple. I introduced her to my immediate family, and I was introduced to hers. My friends met her and were supportive of our relationship. I could talk to them about anything and everything, which I did, and they stood by me through my good decisions, hard decisions, and piss poor decisions. They helped pick up the pieces when my world came crashing down around me circa January.
How things have changed in a year. Instead of a 15 minute walk through downtown London, Ontario to work after a night with my lover, I have a 15 minute walk through the town of Rabinal, Baja Verapaz after a night of watching a movie and blazing with my housemate. Guatemala is a conservative country to say the least. What brought me here to work was the genocide of the Indigenous Mayan population. Racism and sexism are everyday realities, let alone mention any mention of alternative sexualities. Homophobia does not begin to describe the oppressive climate that exists everywhere outside of the capital. Before coming to Guatemala, I knew that my reality here would be that I would have to not tell the truth (read lie) about a lot of things. Every conversation here with a male involves a few questions right off the bat. Are you married? Why not? Do you have a boyfriend in Canada? Do you have a boyfriend here? In addition to lying, I knew I would have to deny an integral part of my identity for four months. Not only could I not tell the truth when answering the above questions, I could not fully be myself with the locals. I could not ask out a female if I thought she was attractive, nor discuss amongst the locals something that is now an important aspect of my concept of self.
Amongst the interns that were here and have since all returned to Canada, of course, no problem. It doesn't take long for a conversation to turn to something surrounding relationships or sex and I always am truthful about my orientation in that context. All of the interns that were here are awesome people. The two guys both had female partners to whom they were extremely committed, and the two female interns were single but spoke only of male exes.
(In this upcoming part, names have been changed, only out of respect for privacy I guess though its not likely that anyone that they know will ever read this blog.)
One of the interns, Kate, became really good friends with many of the locals, but was especially close with two- Sofia and Guillermo. Kate is a really cool person. She is very into truth, connecting with people, and living close to one's essence. Sofia and Guillermo are very outward looking Guatemalans; both are teachers, both are unmarried, though both still live at home. Both want more out of life than what Rabinal has to offer, but here family is extremely important and leaving is harder than we can imagine with our North American concept of family. So, Kate, Sofia, and Guillermo had become really tight friends. I knew that when it came time for the interns to leave, it would be really hard for both Sofia and Guillermo. I think its always harder to be left than to leave. At least when you leave, you are going on to do something new and exciting or returning to a place where you have a strong support network. If you are left, you're life continues on as per usual but without the beloved. Additionally, the place where you are left holds painful memories of the happy time that you spent together. The situation is more pronounced when there is a small chance of returning, at least for a long while, and expecially when the distance is so far, and the cost so prohibitive.
Sure enough, on Kate's last night (which was a night later than all the other interns because she was not ready to leave and did not want to go see the doctor in the capital), I went to the market with her where she met up with Guillermo. He didn't want to prolong their goodbye by chilling all night in the house. They embraced, said their goodbyes, cried (which in turn made me cry) and parted ways. It was impossibly sad. Back at the house, I chilled with Steph as Kate and Sophia chilled in Kate's room and packed. The next day, Kate left mid-day, and the rest of my week was very low key.
Life has been quiet since they left. I saw Guillermo and Sofia again a few days later at a good bye dinner for one of the Human Rights accompaniers, Thomas, who is working here, hosted by the Scottish woman who works in our office. Both Sofia and Guillermo were pretty sad though in good spirits. Sofia is naturally a fairly closed person and is not really into showing how she really feels, and Guillermo is a jovial guy with a gentle soul. I know that if it weren't for the language barrier, we would have been closer by the time the other interns left. As it was, I felt a connection with Guillermo that transcends language and I definitly had a crush on Sofia, who actually had set off my notoriously poor gaydar. However, that night she spoke of a guy that she used to see who is returning from Africa in July, and so my weak and distant hopes of her actually being gay were immediately stiffled. As we were all leaving, we knew we would be seeing each other again at Thomas's official good bye on Thursday, and we left our plans to see each other again at that.
So, this past Thursday I arrived at Thomas's and it was a small gathering but good company. Everyone was drinking away, and after a few more beer runs, it was clear that it was going to be one of those style nights. Guillermo and Sofia both seemed in decent spirits though a bit down still, and understandably so. Part way through the night, Sofia turns to me and says that we should chat a bit later. She was really casual about it, and I was like...yes, sure of course. So a little while later, we left the main table and a only a few feet away from everyone else, though drowned out by loud Spanish crooning, she says to me,
"So you must have realised what was going on between Kate and I."
Hold up. Wait just a second. We're in Guatemala. You're both straight. Sure, maybe I let stereotypes and my inherent disposition for wanting women I find attractive to be gay wander a bit into the thought that maybe, just maybe.... since she is a gym teacher, a former Guatemalan badminton champion, and on the night of a fiesta during my first week here she slept over in Kate's room because we didn't want her driving her moto home drunk. But no...no wait. We're in Rabinal, Guatemala.
I just kind of stared, with a blank look on my face for a second, and she repeated herself, likely because she thought didn't understand what she had just said in Spanish.
"You realised what was going on between Kate and I." Well holy shit fuck damn. Kate must have told her that I was gay and that if she needed to talk to someone about it, that she could talk to me.
I sympathetically nodded my head yes. Throughout our conversation she kept saying how special Kate was to her. She went on to say that it had been really really difficult for her since Kate had left, that she missed her so much, that she hadn't heard from her and that she had writen her email down a bit illegibly so she couldn't contact her. She spoke about how it's not common in Rabinal and asked me not to tell anyone. She kept saying how she knew I would understand. I asked her, if she didn't mind, whether this was her first relationship with a woman, and she said yes. I spoke briefly about my experience last summer, and yes, how I understood some of what she was going through. She said about the guy she was talking about earlier that she wanted nothing to do with him, that as far as she was concerned it was over, though he wanted to have a relationship with her. She spoke about how she didn't know if Kate would ever come back to Rabinal, and I tried only to offer what Kate had told me- that she wanted to come back in November, and that if anyone would come back of the interns that it would be Kate. I spoke little, but mentioned here and there that I'm sure it must be even harder not being able to ever show any signs that they were together, and not being able to speak to anyone she knows about it. I assured her that she could call me anytime she needed to to talk about anything, and gave her my email and phone number. We arranged to have dinner at some point next week, we hugged then we rejoined the party.
We both continued on as before, as carefree as we could, drinking and dancing, but at one point later in the night she turned to me and told me that they had met there, at Thomas's house, in January. And at another she pointed to her thumb, now void of where one of her rings used to be, and I asked if "algien especial", someone special, had it. At the end of the night, she drove me home and again I said call anytime.
On Friday, I awoke late in the morning, having decided the night before to take the day off. Steph was also home and asked me how the party was. Intense I said, and offered as the reason that one of the other guys got so drunk that he pissed himself, which was in fact true. I decided that I needed a little break from Rabinal, so I headed down to Antigua for the weekend to hang out with Jess and Douglas. Sofia called yesterday asking if we could hang out last night in my house. I apologized for my absence, but we concretely arranged to have dinner on Tuesday.
So much has been running through my head since Thursday. Yesterday was a heavy day to begin with- it marked a year of the night that Erin and I met (it coincides with a close friend's birthday if I need to offer an explanation of why I remember the date...), and after I got the call, I just turned to Jess and spilled everything. Jess, and Douglas for that matter, are super queer positive so it has been really awesome to Jess as a sounding board for all this
But really, can you imagine? Can you even imagine going through this? Sofia, on her end, never got to hold Kate's hand in public. She never got to kiss her, dance with her, be a couple in any way outside of closed bedroom doors. And I say closed bedroom doors because even at our house, when it was just the other interns and them, not once did I ever see them have even a lingering glance of adoration. I'm fairly sure they loved each other, and don't you just want to shout that from the roof tops? Sofia never got to introduce Kate to her family as anything more than a friend. They didn't get long weekends in bed together or trips together or to introduce each other to each other's friends as anything more than friends. Everything was secret and the cost of letting the secret out was huge. None of the other interns even knew. Brenda once told me that she suspected that Sofia might be gay, but never mentioned anything about Kate. Sofia is heartbroken, and has nobody to speak to, except me...and what if I hadn't told Kate I was gay? What if my Spanish really sucked? Sofia doesn't have anything close to the money that it would take to visit Kate in Canada, nor can she uproot her life and move there. She helps her grandmother sell candles every Sunday in a nearby town, she is on a cheerleading team, teaches at 4 schools, and her brother has a drug addiction that he is getting help with. Culturally, it would be really difficult to leave her family, and with the added circumstances of her brother, its basically impossible.
And as for Kate, what can she do? Is she going to return to live in Rabinal? Where they could be together without ever being able to build a life together. The simplist things that that would entail would be impossible. There isn't really such a thing as renting a place and having a roommate. They could never take out loans together to buy a house. They couldn't even pretend they were sisters for either purpose. If anyone here ever found out, I don't exactly know what the consequences would entail aside from the imposed cultural exclusion, but with the level of impunity that already exists here in Guate I don't doubt that gay bashing would go unpunished. And if she returns to visit, the pain of leaving again would rip off the scab of healing that both had acheived. They wouldn't get to have a long embrace or tears at the first sight of the other at the airport or bus terminal. I'm sure Kate didn't tell the others in order to protect Sofia, but as a person who was so into truth, I can't understand why she felt she couldn't confide in anyone at all. That is a huge secret to carry around for all those months. Kate was going back to Canada not knowing what she was going to be doing nor even in what city she was going to be living. She had just finished undergrad before coming to Guate. All of this would be really really hard for her too
So for both of them, their coming out is intertwined with this other story of cultural barriers that prevented them from being together as any heterosexual couple would have been. One half of the intercultural divide told them that it was not okay for them to be together. Both are heartbroken, left picking up their lives and continuing on as if they each lost only a good friend.
Evidently, my former feelings of having to deny an integral part of my identity are not completely founded. By living my truth within the circles where it was safe to do so, I could be a source of comfort and understanding for someone who needs it so much. In terms of human rights and what I am doing here, it makes me at once so so so grateful for having been born in Canada where I get to be gay everyday of my life without worrying about fundamental security while also feeling really sad that people like Sofia are so far away from ever having the ability to live here as I live there, and that that is the case for the majority of queer people around the world. Along my journey, it took the acceptance of the nation's leaders in legalising same-sex marriage to even make me think that it would ever be okay if it turned out that I was gay, and so I intensely admire the bravery of all those around the world who come to that realisation when their respective societies are forcefully telling them that its wrong, bad, sinful, and simply not okay. If you are reading this and you are straight, I hope this piece offered a nuanced way of relooking at what you carry around with your heterosexual priviledge. If you are reading this and you are not straight, I hope you have a refreshing reminder of how lucky we are to have been born in Canada. If, additionally, you are not out, I hope that this piece might offer you courage to live your truth or comfort in your struggle
This turned into something much much longer than I had envisioned when I began. 4 hours later, I must go to bed. I begin my journey back to Rabinal in 5 hours. Thank you to those who lasted to the end.
Rach
from one of the most beautiful Guatemalan nights I can recount to date, with a cloudless sky and a bright moon shining down on Antigua.
But I digress. I have decided that I will try to update this blog more regularly with stories that are less appropriate for my other blog. I try not to censor this blog at all, while my Guatemalan blog address has been emailed to everyone from my family to my employers. And so...lovers in a dangerous time.
As all who are reading know, this has been a really intense year for me. Possibly the most intense ever. The intensity has centred around two themes: law school and the experience of my first relationship. The exerience of my first relationship came with a lot of extras that heterosexual people just don't have to deal with. Along with the general stress of it all, the experience entailed coming out to my extended family, various co-workers, and ultimately making the decision to just live "out" to everyone I know, and will know in the future.
Luckily, I live in Canada. In 2003, the government legalised same-sex marriage and in the course of doing so, shifted the nation's views on homosexuality. I'm not pretending that homophobia isn't still a huge issue, but there are some things that are now realities that never were before. I could have married my significant other if I we had conceivably made it that far. I got to walk down the street holding hands with my girlfriend. I could kiss her in public. We could make out in the bar, dance, and be a couple. I introduced her to my immediate family, and I was introduced to hers. My friends met her and were supportive of our relationship. I could talk to them about anything and everything, which I did, and they stood by me through my good decisions, hard decisions, and piss poor decisions. They helped pick up the pieces when my world came crashing down around me circa January.
How things have changed in a year. Instead of a 15 minute walk through downtown London, Ontario to work after a night with my lover, I have a 15 minute walk through the town of Rabinal, Baja Verapaz after a night of watching a movie and blazing with my housemate. Guatemala is a conservative country to say the least. What brought me here to work was the genocide of the Indigenous Mayan population. Racism and sexism are everyday realities, let alone mention any mention of alternative sexualities. Homophobia does not begin to describe the oppressive climate that exists everywhere outside of the capital. Before coming to Guatemala, I knew that my reality here would be that I would have to not tell the truth (read lie) about a lot of things. Every conversation here with a male involves a few questions right off the bat. Are you married? Why not? Do you have a boyfriend in Canada? Do you have a boyfriend here? In addition to lying, I knew I would have to deny an integral part of my identity for four months. Not only could I not tell the truth when answering the above questions, I could not fully be myself with the locals. I could not ask out a female if I thought she was attractive, nor discuss amongst the locals something that is now an important aspect of my concept of self.
Amongst the interns that were here and have since all returned to Canada, of course, no problem. It doesn't take long for a conversation to turn to something surrounding relationships or sex and I always am truthful about my orientation in that context. All of the interns that were here are awesome people. The two guys both had female partners to whom they were extremely committed, and the two female interns were single but spoke only of male exes.
(In this upcoming part, names have been changed, only out of respect for privacy I guess though its not likely that anyone that they know will ever read this blog.)
One of the interns, Kate, became really good friends with many of the locals, but was especially close with two- Sofia and Guillermo. Kate is a really cool person. She is very into truth, connecting with people, and living close to one's essence. Sofia and Guillermo are very outward looking Guatemalans; both are teachers, both are unmarried, though both still live at home. Both want more out of life than what Rabinal has to offer, but here family is extremely important and leaving is harder than we can imagine with our North American concept of family. So, Kate, Sofia, and Guillermo had become really tight friends. I knew that when it came time for the interns to leave, it would be really hard for both Sofia and Guillermo. I think its always harder to be left than to leave. At least when you leave, you are going on to do something new and exciting or returning to a place where you have a strong support network. If you are left, you're life continues on as per usual but without the beloved. Additionally, the place where you are left holds painful memories of the happy time that you spent together. The situation is more pronounced when there is a small chance of returning, at least for a long while, and expecially when the distance is so far, and the cost so prohibitive.
Sure enough, on Kate's last night (which was a night later than all the other interns because she was not ready to leave and did not want to go see the doctor in the capital), I went to the market with her where she met up with Guillermo. He didn't want to prolong their goodbye by chilling all night in the house. They embraced, said their goodbyes, cried (which in turn made me cry) and parted ways. It was impossibly sad. Back at the house, I chilled with Steph as Kate and Sophia chilled in Kate's room and packed. The next day, Kate left mid-day, and the rest of my week was very low key.
Life has been quiet since they left. I saw Guillermo and Sofia again a few days later at a good bye dinner for one of the Human Rights accompaniers, Thomas, who is working here, hosted by the Scottish woman who works in our office. Both Sofia and Guillermo were pretty sad though in good spirits. Sofia is naturally a fairly closed person and is not really into showing how she really feels, and Guillermo is a jovial guy with a gentle soul. I know that if it weren't for the language barrier, we would have been closer by the time the other interns left. As it was, I felt a connection with Guillermo that transcends language and I definitly had a crush on Sofia, who actually had set off my notoriously poor gaydar. However, that night she spoke of a guy that she used to see who is returning from Africa in July, and so my weak and distant hopes of her actually being gay were immediately stiffled. As we were all leaving, we knew we would be seeing each other again at Thomas's official good bye on Thursday, and we left our plans to see each other again at that.
So, this past Thursday I arrived at Thomas's and it was a small gathering but good company. Everyone was drinking away, and after a few more beer runs, it was clear that it was going to be one of those style nights. Guillermo and Sofia both seemed in decent spirits though a bit down still, and understandably so. Part way through the night, Sofia turns to me and says that we should chat a bit later. She was really casual about it, and I was like...yes, sure of course. So a little while later, we left the main table and a only a few feet away from everyone else, though drowned out by loud Spanish crooning, she says to me,
"So you must have realised what was going on between Kate and I."
Hold up. Wait just a second. We're in Guatemala. You're both straight. Sure, maybe I let stereotypes and my inherent disposition for wanting women I find attractive to be gay wander a bit into the thought that maybe, just maybe.... since she is a gym teacher, a former Guatemalan badminton champion, and on the night of a fiesta during my first week here she slept over in Kate's room because we didn't want her driving her moto home drunk. But no...no wait. We're in Rabinal, Guatemala.
I just kind of stared, with a blank look on my face for a second, and she repeated herself, likely because she thought didn't understand what she had just said in Spanish.
"You realised what was going on between Kate and I." Well holy shit fuck damn. Kate must have told her that I was gay and that if she needed to talk to someone about it, that she could talk to me.
I sympathetically nodded my head yes. Throughout our conversation she kept saying how special Kate was to her. She went on to say that it had been really really difficult for her since Kate had left, that she missed her so much, that she hadn't heard from her and that she had writen her email down a bit illegibly so she couldn't contact her. She spoke about how it's not common in Rabinal and asked me not to tell anyone. She kept saying how she knew I would understand. I asked her, if she didn't mind, whether this was her first relationship with a woman, and she said yes. I spoke briefly about my experience last summer, and yes, how I understood some of what she was going through. She said about the guy she was talking about earlier that she wanted nothing to do with him, that as far as she was concerned it was over, though he wanted to have a relationship with her. She spoke about how she didn't know if Kate would ever come back to Rabinal, and I tried only to offer what Kate had told me- that she wanted to come back in November, and that if anyone would come back of the interns that it would be Kate. I spoke little, but mentioned here and there that I'm sure it must be even harder not being able to ever show any signs that they were together, and not being able to speak to anyone she knows about it. I assured her that she could call me anytime she needed to to talk about anything, and gave her my email and phone number. We arranged to have dinner at some point next week, we hugged then we rejoined the party.
We both continued on as before, as carefree as we could, drinking and dancing, but at one point later in the night she turned to me and told me that they had met there, at Thomas's house, in January. And at another she pointed to her thumb, now void of where one of her rings used to be, and I asked if "algien especial", someone special, had it. At the end of the night, she drove me home and again I said call anytime.
On Friday, I awoke late in the morning, having decided the night before to take the day off. Steph was also home and asked me how the party was. Intense I said, and offered as the reason that one of the other guys got so drunk that he pissed himself, which was in fact true. I decided that I needed a little break from Rabinal, so I headed down to Antigua for the weekend to hang out with Jess and Douglas. Sofia called yesterday asking if we could hang out last night in my house. I apologized for my absence, but we concretely arranged to have dinner on Tuesday.
So much has been running through my head since Thursday. Yesterday was a heavy day to begin with- it marked a year of the night that Erin and I met (it coincides with a close friend's birthday if I need to offer an explanation of why I remember the date...), and after I got the call, I just turned to Jess and spilled everything. Jess, and Douglas for that matter, are super queer positive so it has been really awesome to Jess as a sounding board for all this
But really, can you imagine? Can you even imagine going through this? Sofia, on her end, never got to hold Kate's hand in public. She never got to kiss her, dance with her, be a couple in any way outside of closed bedroom doors. And I say closed bedroom doors because even at our house, when it was just the other interns and them, not once did I ever see them have even a lingering glance of adoration. I'm fairly sure they loved each other, and don't you just want to shout that from the roof tops? Sofia never got to introduce Kate to her family as anything more than a friend. They didn't get long weekends in bed together or trips together or to introduce each other to each other's friends as anything more than friends. Everything was secret and the cost of letting the secret out was huge. None of the other interns even knew. Brenda once told me that she suspected that Sofia might be gay, but never mentioned anything about Kate. Sofia is heartbroken, and has nobody to speak to, except me...and what if I hadn't told Kate I was gay? What if my Spanish really sucked? Sofia doesn't have anything close to the money that it would take to visit Kate in Canada, nor can she uproot her life and move there. She helps her grandmother sell candles every Sunday in a nearby town, she is on a cheerleading team, teaches at 4 schools, and her brother has a drug addiction that he is getting help with. Culturally, it would be really difficult to leave her family, and with the added circumstances of her brother, its basically impossible.
And as for Kate, what can she do? Is she going to return to live in Rabinal? Where they could be together without ever being able to build a life together. The simplist things that that would entail would be impossible. There isn't really such a thing as renting a place and having a roommate. They could never take out loans together to buy a house. They couldn't even pretend they were sisters for either purpose. If anyone here ever found out, I don't exactly know what the consequences would entail aside from the imposed cultural exclusion, but with the level of impunity that already exists here in Guate I don't doubt that gay bashing would go unpunished. And if she returns to visit, the pain of leaving again would rip off the scab of healing that both had acheived. They wouldn't get to have a long embrace or tears at the first sight of the other at the airport or bus terminal. I'm sure Kate didn't tell the others in order to protect Sofia, but as a person who was so into truth, I can't understand why she felt she couldn't confide in anyone at all. That is a huge secret to carry around for all those months. Kate was going back to Canada not knowing what she was going to be doing nor even in what city she was going to be living. She had just finished undergrad before coming to Guate. All of this would be really really hard for her too
So for both of them, their coming out is intertwined with this other story of cultural barriers that prevented them from being together as any heterosexual couple would have been. One half of the intercultural divide told them that it was not okay for them to be together. Both are heartbroken, left picking up their lives and continuing on as if they each lost only a good friend.
Evidently, my former feelings of having to deny an integral part of my identity are not completely founded. By living my truth within the circles where it was safe to do so, I could be a source of comfort and understanding for someone who needs it so much. In terms of human rights and what I am doing here, it makes me at once so so so grateful for having been born in Canada where I get to be gay everyday of my life without worrying about fundamental security while also feeling really sad that people like Sofia are so far away from ever having the ability to live here as I live there, and that that is the case for the majority of queer people around the world. Along my journey, it took the acceptance of the nation's leaders in legalising same-sex marriage to even make me think that it would ever be okay if it turned out that I was gay, and so I intensely admire the bravery of all those around the world who come to that realisation when their respective societies are forcefully telling them that its wrong, bad, sinful, and simply not okay. If you are reading this and you are straight, I hope this piece offered a nuanced way of relooking at what you carry around with your heterosexual priviledge. If you are reading this and you are not straight, I hope you have a refreshing reminder of how lucky we are to have been born in Canada. If, additionally, you are not out, I hope that this piece might offer you courage to live your truth or comfort in your struggle
This turned into something much much longer than I had envisioned when I began. 4 hours later, I must go to bed. I begin my journey back to Rabinal in 5 hours. Thank you to those who lasted to the end.
Rach
from one of the most beautiful Guatemalan nights I can recount to date, with a cloudless sky and a bright moon shining down on Antigua.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Just Call Me McGuiver
Tonight was another fantastic chill Victorian day. It was filled with really random adventures. P O'Neill and I talked about this amazing music festival called coachella that he went ot in the dessert. We went for dinner and I had an amazing Thai Red Pineapple Tofu Curry. It was so delicious. I loved every bit of it.
Then I went ot chill with my friend Anna. We blazed and then were headed for food and an adventure into Beaconsfield Park, when we met up with my Guatemala girl Leigh Anne on the street in the Cook Street Villiage. She came with us for our walk, which impeded the pot smoking portion of the evening (no I will not smoke directly in front of my employers....not such a hot idea i've heard) and two hours later we had done an amazing walk along the ocean chatting about so many different things.
Anna and I returned and listened to good music- the Yah Yah Yah's, some Regina Spektor, and some from a soundtrack of the movie Tango Feroz- i think its Argentinian. So I book it to grab the last bus home, smoked a joint on the way home, arriving only to find that the string that goes through the fence has come untied and there is no way to unlock it from this side. Begin operation mcguiver. I start by searching for a stick that was long and skinny- no sticks were to be found and this was past midnight so it was fairly dark. There was a long thicker piece of wood, but it couldn't grip the little latch to lift it. I tried draping my laniard over and guiding it with the stick so that I could latch on and pull it up. No such luck. Then I spotted the lil tykes red and yellow plastic Frank Flinstone style car. Perfect! If only I could see maybe success with the stick was possible. Still I was not high enough to apply enough pressure to lift the latch. Then my light supply aka the neighbours sensor light went out, so i had to go waive in front of it to get it back. Then I spotted the broom...I grabbed it and hopped back on the lil tykes car, and swung it over the fence. The nook in where the broom bristles attach to handle was big enough to be able to lift the latch. Success. The lil tykes car is currently propping the door open, and I made it in fo rhte night. What lovely Victorian Nights I have been having.
I look foreward to seeing those of you at home in a mere four days. Much love. Always always.
Rach,
from a stunning, cool, fresh Victorian Night
Then I went ot chill with my friend Anna. We blazed and then were headed for food and an adventure into Beaconsfield Park, when we met up with my Guatemala girl Leigh Anne on the street in the Cook Street Villiage. She came with us for our walk, which impeded the pot smoking portion of the evening (no I will not smoke directly in front of my employers....not such a hot idea i've heard) and two hours later we had done an amazing walk along the ocean chatting about so many different things.
Anna and I returned and listened to good music- the Yah Yah Yah's, some Regina Spektor, and some from a soundtrack of the movie Tango Feroz- i think its Argentinian. So I book it to grab the last bus home, smoked a joint on the way home, arriving only to find that the string that goes through the fence has come untied and there is no way to unlock it from this side. Begin operation mcguiver. I start by searching for a stick that was long and skinny- no sticks were to be found and this was past midnight so it was fairly dark. There was a long thicker piece of wood, but it couldn't grip the little latch to lift it. I tried draping my laniard over and guiding it with the stick so that I could latch on and pull it up. No such luck. Then I spotted the lil tykes red and yellow plastic Frank Flinstone style car. Perfect! If only I could see maybe success with the stick was possible. Still I was not high enough to apply enough pressure to lift the latch. Then my light supply aka the neighbours sensor light went out, so i had to go waive in front of it to get it back. Then I spotted the broom...I grabbed it and hopped back on the lil tykes car, and swung it over the fence. The nook in where the broom bristles attach to handle was big enough to be able to lift the latch. Success. The lil tykes car is currently propping the door open, and I made it in fo rhte night. What lovely Victorian Nights I have been having.
I look foreward to seeing those of you at home in a mere four days. Much love. Always always.
Rach,
from a stunning, cool, fresh Victorian Night
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Au Claire de la Lune
Tonight the moon was bright, brighter than I can remember it being for a while. Where the clouds were non-existent and the sky was clear, the moon lit up the sky. I noticed it on my walk home from the bus, and I knew I had to spend a little time with it. With vices in hand, ipod equipped with Iron & Wine, I had some good quality time with my beautiful Victorian night sky. I was thinking about the number of nights I have spent out there, on those stairs this year. Countless; certainly more than the number I have not spent out there.
Nearly nearly there. First year of law school done. That's something.
Rach,
from another stunning Victorian night
Nearly nearly there. First year of law school done. That's something.
Rach,
from another stunning Victorian night
Thursday, April 17, 2008
In the eye of the exam hurricane.
6 days left. 3 exams to go. Glory days are not far off. I think I can do this. I have the stamina to get er done. This exam period is mildly more humane. THe extra days between have saved me for sure. That and a purpose I think. That and the knowledge that I can do this, with votes of confidence from within, and external motivation from the real world, the school world too i suppose.
In what should be the eye of the hurricane, I feel calm. Well calmer than expected at least. Maybe I will feel differently tomorrow, but with these days of sanity in between its all bearable.
I've not much more tonight. Contracts and Constitutional down, Crim, Property and Torts to come. Pressure through till the end. I got this.
Rach,
from the first Victorian night in a while. Beautiful shining moon, and its getting warmer. I will miss them...
In what should be the eye of the hurricane, I feel calm. Well calmer than expected at least. Maybe I will feel differently tomorrow, but with these days of sanity in between its all bearable.
I've not much more tonight. Contracts and Constitutional down, Crim, Property and Torts to come. Pressure through till the end. I got this.
Rach,
from the first Victorian night in a while. Beautiful shining moon, and its getting warmer. I will miss them...
Saturday, April 12, 2008
El verano en Guatemala!
This week, I received some very exciting news. I got the position in Guatemala for which I applied.
I am soooooo excited. I get to work in a legal aid clinic in Rabinal, and town in an area about 5 hours north of the capital where some of the most terrible human rights abuses of the civil war occured in 1982 during the civil war. I get to work in international human rights law, prepparing things that will go before the Inter American court of Human Rights. I get to work with the people on case work and go to court occasionally in a near-by town supporting the people who we with.
I get to speak Spanish. I get to immerse myself in a country that I have never been to before, and where I have always wanted to go (not that that doesn't mean I don't want to go to every country...). I get to change things on an individual level, chipping away at something on a broader level at the same time. I get to use this law that I have been learning all year to do good things, justice things. I get to learn about the history and culture of these people. I get to read in the evenings, and speak to people all day.
When I met with the partner on Thursday I mentioned that it was perfect. Like...in a game of match this person to this job, I would get matched with doing International Human Rights work in a Spanish speaking country for the summer. I am so excited and I feel really fortunate to be able to have this amazing opportunity. I feel really lucky and honoured to be as, Jack said, a flag bearer for lots of others who aren't able to go at this point in their lives.
I will be swapping my Victorian nights for Guatemalan evenings near the beginning of May...but not before a visit home first. I'm a happy woman this evening.
Rach
from a beautiful, clear, starry, stunning, and not cold (!) Victorian Night.
I am soooooo excited. I get to work in a legal aid clinic in Rabinal, and town in an area about 5 hours north of the capital where some of the most terrible human rights abuses of the civil war occured in 1982 during the civil war. I get to work in international human rights law, prepparing things that will go before the Inter American court of Human Rights. I get to work with the people on case work and go to court occasionally in a near-by town supporting the people who we with.
I get to speak Spanish. I get to immerse myself in a country that I have never been to before, and where I have always wanted to go (not that that doesn't mean I don't want to go to every country...). I get to change things on an individual level, chipping away at something on a broader level at the same time. I get to use this law that I have been learning all year to do good things, justice things. I get to learn about the history and culture of these people. I get to read in the evenings, and speak to people all day.
When I met with the partner on Thursday I mentioned that it was perfect. Like...in a game of match this person to this job, I would get matched with doing International Human Rights work in a Spanish speaking country for the summer. I am so excited and I feel really fortunate to be able to have this amazing opportunity. I feel really lucky and honoured to be as, Jack said, a flag bearer for lots of others who aren't able to go at this point in their lives.
I will be swapping my Victorian nights for Guatemalan evenings near the beginning of May...but not before a visit home first. I'm a happy woman this evening.
Rach
from a beautiful, clear, starry, stunning, and not cold (!) Victorian Night.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
The Corporation
Tonight I did end up watching The Corporation after a very long day of studying at school, though it was a lovely study session with P. O'Neill. So um...wow. I don't even know where to begin with this one. Pfizer went into a community, built a building for housing, and since it was near a subway stop that "used to have a lot of crime", Pfizer constructed large turnstiles to keep people from taking shelter in the subway station. They went into the community, and displaced the residents of that community, for the betterment of that community.
Did you know that you can actually live in a town created by Disney. Its the most insane thing ever. The town is Celebration, Florida. It is the great American town, stars and stripes in front and everything. They have main street, and is about 15 000 people. Does that sound a little frightening. Can you even imagine?
Did you know the US Supreme Court said you can patent life forms? Anything but a human being. How can you own genes? I don't understand. Essentially we are going to commodify everything on this earth...
Monsanto...uck. Fuck. We'll tell you what the news is, says Fox to its own employees. I don't care about the truth. Falsifying news is not against the law apparently in the States at least.
This is just shocking. Joel Baken; You are amazing.
Much love to all,
Rachael
from a cool, clear, starry victorian night.
on a note of ps- i photographed a strawberry tonight. the results are fascinating. Photos to come.
Did you know that you can actually live in a town created by Disney. Its the most insane thing ever. The town is Celebration, Florida. It is the great American town, stars and stripes in front and everything. They have main street, and is about 15 000 people. Does that sound a little frightening. Can you even imagine?
Did you know the US Supreme Court said you can patent life forms? Anything but a human being. How can you own genes? I don't understand. Essentially we are going to commodify everything on this earth...
Monsanto...uck. Fuck. We'll tell you what the news is, says Fox to its own employees. I don't care about the truth. Falsifying news is not against the law apparently in the States at least.
This is just shocking. Joel Baken; You are amazing.
Much love to all,
Rachael
from a cool, clear, starry victorian night.
on a note of ps- i photographed a strawberry tonight. the results are fascinating. Photos to come.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
My brain pressed release
Me
Only ever me
Ever only me
Friends across oceans, land masses, the Georgia Straight
Too far to hold
Too far
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. A life dominated and characterized by fear.
I'm afraid you won't like me. I'm afraid you don't like me. I am afraid.
When we are afraid, we don't live.
When we fear failure, we don't try.
When we love, we lose, but inevitably first we win, and we shouldn't forget that first we won.
But sometimes life happens. When we fail too often, we no longer want to try. When we lose too much, we don't have much remaining and how do we start over from nothing?
Shards of our former selves, we hang on to what we have. Each other.
Fellow persons. As people, we want to matter.
Matter to who? To the world. What do I care what the world thinks? Its thankless and owes me nothing. But I'm here, and I'm here now.
We can't change the whole world. We can't. I can't. I want. I want to change the world.
Who can? Is it unchangeable? Is it changeable at all? Where do we start? Here. right here?
One person at a time.
You.
Me.
Us.
We.
We can.
I hope.
Hope and despair.
A Fine Balance we all walk.
Only ever me
Ever only me
Friends across oceans, land masses, the Georgia Straight
Too far to hold
Too far
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. A life dominated and characterized by fear.
I'm afraid you won't like me. I'm afraid you don't like me. I am afraid.
When we are afraid, we don't live.
When we fear failure, we don't try.
When we love, we lose, but inevitably first we win, and we shouldn't forget that first we won.
But sometimes life happens. When we fail too often, we no longer want to try. When we lose too much, we don't have much remaining and how do we start over from nothing?
Shards of our former selves, we hang on to what we have. Each other.
Fellow persons. As people, we want to matter.
Matter to who? To the world. What do I care what the world thinks? Its thankless and owes me nothing. But I'm here, and I'm here now.
We can't change the whole world. We can't. I can't. I want. I want to change the world.
Who can? Is it unchangeable? Is it changeable at all? Where do we start? Here. right here?
One person at a time.
You.
Me.
Us.
We.
We can.
I hope.
Hope and despair.
A Fine Balance we all walk.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Enough is enough.
When is it going to be enough? When will we take the leap, and affirm human rights. When will we not excuse, call it what it is when we see it and say no more? How about now. Because we are tired of waiting. And because we deserve nothing less. I would ask the government, the courts, and public interest organizations for no more homophobia in the law, no more sexism in the schools, and no more racism in our halls of justice. Let us get rid of homophobic panic as a defense in the criminal law, let us include a sex and gender studies course in our high schools, and let us accept oral history for its true value in land claim cases the first time around.
Enough is enough. There are "movements" that need no longer be such. There should be pay equity in Canada by now. We should be teaching our citizens different things in their formative years. We should not stand for the genocide, misogyny, and homophobia that run rampant in this country, this society and the western world. Enough. My children, or at least my nieces and nephews, should NOT have to deal with this anymore. Be brave. Do what is right. What the world asks of us, and compels us to do.
I ask of us, citizens of the world, wage-earners of the future, middle-class canadians, we can be the generation to change the world.
Courage, fortitude, love,
Rachael
Enough is enough. There are "movements" that need no longer be such. There should be pay equity in Canada by now. We should be teaching our citizens different things in their formative years. We should not stand for the genocide, misogyny, and homophobia that run rampant in this country, this society and the western world. Enough. My children, or at least my nieces and nephews, should NOT have to deal with this anymore. Be brave. Do what is right. What the world asks of us, and compels us to do.
I ask of us, citizens of the world, wage-earners of the future, middle-class canadians, we can be the generation to change the world.
Courage, fortitude, love,
Rachael
Thursday, March 27, 2008
...love, unexpectedly
What terrifying days. So many of the people I know are in the process of having to grapple with huge decisions. Often many decisions at once, which is daunting and huge. These decisions just never end...I feel like they have started, nad from now on, we will have to constantly make really important choices on a regular basis. Right now these are really big life decisions; ones that require courage and complex considerations, deliberation, mulling. It is overwhelming, but we will make it through because we have to.
Along the way it involves doing crazy things like how today I rocked a solid 13.5 hours at the Frasier Building. It seems like a lot, but there were breaks...I went for coffee once and there was a book launch that I attended for the really good food. There was smoked salmon, sushi, excellent deserts, free wine, and The Roasted Vegetable tray- any vet uvic-er will know the glory of this tray; it's pretty much the best roasted vegetables you will ever have- there is like garlic, or pesto maybe...in it, and its pretty amazing.
I am continuing to fiend Iron and Wine (the band, not to be confused with a simple lack of protien and alcohol in my diet) tonight as I unwind from the long day at the frase. It is a beautiful refuge-music, art and creative expression in general.
To all those who are working towards decisions, may you find your own refuge and fortitude where you seek it and may it offer you direction and comfort. Ultimately, beyond comfort in what I find beautiful, I find it in love. Always love. Because we need it, and because its what we've got, and its always been enough so far. And because it feels good, sometimes tugs at your heart strings, but its worth it in the end. To have loved and been loved in this world. so...I am a believer in love. I think there are many of us still around.
that's all i've got. maybe love is in my psyche from contracts this morning, but I highly doubt that K law is ever in my psyche...maybe I underestimate my love for Kilcoyne. I don't know. But love will carry us through.
Rachael
from a starry, clear, cold victorian night
Along the way it involves doing crazy things like how today I rocked a solid 13.5 hours at the Frasier Building. It seems like a lot, but there were breaks...I went for coffee once and there was a book launch that I attended for the really good food. There was smoked salmon, sushi, excellent deserts, free wine, and The Roasted Vegetable tray- any vet uvic-er will know the glory of this tray; it's pretty much the best roasted vegetables you will ever have- there is like garlic, or pesto maybe...in it, and its pretty amazing.
I am continuing to fiend Iron and Wine (the band, not to be confused with a simple lack of protien and alcohol in my diet) tonight as I unwind from the long day at the frase. It is a beautiful refuge-music, art and creative expression in general.
To all those who are working towards decisions, may you find your own refuge and fortitude where you seek it and may it offer you direction and comfort. Ultimately, beyond comfort in what I find beautiful, I find it in love. Always love. Because we need it, and because its what we've got, and its always been enough so far. And because it feels good, sometimes tugs at your heart strings, but its worth it in the end. To have loved and been loved in this world. so...I am a believer in love. I think there are many of us still around.
that's all i've got. maybe love is in my psyche from contracts this morning, but I highly doubt that K law is ever in my psyche...maybe I underestimate my love for Kilcoyne. I don't know. But love will carry us through.
Rachael
from a starry, clear, cold victorian night
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
La plage; mon refuge
In times of crises one often forgets one's most important allies.
It had been a while since I had been to the beach. I always think its such a journey. Its only 15 minutes each way, but the trek keeps me from going every day. The beach provides so many benefits, I think I should journey down, but life gets busy and one forgets.
I went twice this weekend. One night the moon was not out, and it was dark and cloudy. Tonight was so clear and the stars and constellations were out in numbers. The peaceful calm of the waves breaking against the shore has such a primitive calming effect. Sometimes when I get lost in my music, the ocean gives a more forceful thrust, and my attention becomes refocused on the shifting water. I feel deeply connected to the ocean- I thought about it when we were on the open waters in the Caribbean sea, how those dark waters were indeed intertwined with those crashing against my beach at home in Victoria.
When coupled with beauty of lights refelcting on water, the crisp smell of the ocean and cool, refreshing air, the beach is the perfect refuge from one's worldly concerns. The problem is when they follow along, infiltrate the rituals that come along with beach going. Try as I might, they follow and remind me of why the beach session was necessary.
Here I am, back at home, glass of wine in hand, a final blog entry of this trying weekend. Refreshed for now, ready for another week. On va voir.
Rach,
from a fantastic, clear, stunning, bright, starry victorian night
It had been a while since I had been to the beach. I always think its such a journey. Its only 15 minutes each way, but the trek keeps me from going every day. The beach provides so many benefits, I think I should journey down, but life gets busy and one forgets.
I went twice this weekend. One night the moon was not out, and it was dark and cloudy. Tonight was so clear and the stars and constellations were out in numbers. The peaceful calm of the waves breaking against the shore has such a primitive calming effect. Sometimes when I get lost in my music, the ocean gives a more forceful thrust, and my attention becomes refocused on the shifting water. I feel deeply connected to the ocean- I thought about it when we were on the open waters in the Caribbean sea, how those dark waters were indeed intertwined with those crashing against my beach at home in Victoria.
When coupled with beauty of lights refelcting on water, the crisp smell of the ocean and cool, refreshing air, the beach is the perfect refuge from one's worldly concerns. The problem is when they follow along, infiltrate the rituals that come along with beach going. Try as I might, they follow and remind me of why the beach session was necessary.
Here I am, back at home, glass of wine in hand, a final blog entry of this trying weekend. Refreshed for now, ready for another week. On va voir.
Rach,
from a fantastic, clear, stunning, bright, starry victorian night
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Iron and Wine, you stun me.
I just listened to the most amazing song. It was the most beautiful piece of poetry meeting stunning music and having a love child that made the most incredible song you have heard.
Passing Afternoon by Iron and Wine. Wow.
Although I did not much today, I discovered this song. And sometimes that is more important, or at least more significant, in our lives that what we can produce in a day.
A collection of my favourites lines from the song:
there are things that drift away, like our endless numbered days.
Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves.
There are sailing ships that pass, on our bodies in the grass.
Spring time calls her children till she lets them go at last.
And she's chosen where to be, (though she's lost her wedding ring).
...The night that finds us all,
Winter tucks her children in her fragile china dolls...
My hands remember hers, rolling round the shaded ferns...
...like songs I'll never learn.
It's pretty stunning. Find it, listen. It will change your day.
I'm on the lookout for new music to get me through exams. I've found some in this album for certain.
I was thinking about the role of listener, the one familiar to us as students. Everyone is always telling us information, and often we forget that we have things to add to the continuing dialogue. Our thought counts too. We all bring view points and experience that make what we have to say valuable. Every day is an expanding of my point of view, every day I learn things that broaden my understanding of the world. It can only continue. Passive listening, learning; active writing, changing. But sometimes we have to unlearn things- senses of entitlement, elitism, thing that we understand everything when we don't at all. Unlearning is usually harder than learning something, so I try to approach things with as much of an open mind as possible. I try, and often I will be asked to think where I hadn't thought before. Hard work, innovative thinking, channeling of passion, and confidence in our capabilities will get us places. Us, who will effect change, make the differences. Big and small.
It seems somehow unfiting, as I reconsidered from before, to wish a people a happy good friday, since its supposed to be the saddest day of mourning. Regardless, happy good friday to my loves who I know really did have good good fridays.
luv Rach
from a stunning bright full moon kind of victorian night
Passing Afternoon by Iron and Wine. Wow.
Although I did not much today, I discovered this song. And sometimes that is more important, or at least more significant, in our lives that what we can produce in a day.
A collection of my favourites lines from the song:
there are things that drift away, like our endless numbered days.
Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves.
There are sailing ships that pass, on our bodies in the grass.
Spring time calls her children till she lets them go at last.
And she's chosen where to be, (though she's lost her wedding ring).
...The night that finds us all,
Winter tucks her children in her fragile china dolls...
My hands remember hers, rolling round the shaded ferns...
...like songs I'll never learn.
It's pretty stunning. Find it, listen. It will change your day.
I'm on the lookout for new music to get me through exams. I've found some in this album for certain.
I was thinking about the role of listener, the one familiar to us as students. Everyone is always telling us information, and often we forget that we have things to add to the continuing dialogue. Our thought counts too. We all bring view points and experience that make what we have to say valuable. Every day is an expanding of my point of view, every day I learn things that broaden my understanding of the world. It can only continue. Passive listening, learning; active writing, changing. But sometimes we have to unlearn things- senses of entitlement, elitism, thing that we understand everything when we don't at all. Unlearning is usually harder than learning something, so I try to approach things with as much of an open mind as possible. I try, and often I will be asked to think where I hadn't thought before. Hard work, innovative thinking, channeling of passion, and confidence in our capabilities will get us places. Us, who will effect change, make the differences. Big and small.
It seems somehow unfiting, as I reconsidered from before, to wish a people a happy good friday, since its supposed to be the saddest day of mourning. Regardless, happy good friday to my loves who I know really did have good good fridays.
luv Rach
from a stunning bright full moon kind of victorian night
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Experimenting with Haikus
All we have is each other.
Nothing is for certain, but believing in humanity...?
A coloured history
Though that thought had too many syllables, I was thinking about writing Haiku's today. I'm going to experiment and see what it would look like to just do ones about anything at all.
The ceramic bowl where I deposit my vapourizer remains
Red heart, blue petals
From where the sun shone, to here
Small and fragile
My piece of art created for UAWL's display at the community conference (can one do a series of haikus? I just did)
life-giving and dead
my sculpture of the classroom
as two ovaries
green trees and women
required life giving forces
green, ailve, thriving
the darkened one: black
dead are my hopes of changing
the world- at least all
I like the way you have to think of all the ways to describe something with the requisite syllables.
I wrote this a few nights ago, and clearly in my blazed state of mind, didn't manage to post it. But here it is. I should be off to study now. Happy Good Friday. Much love to the outside world.
Rach
Nothing is for certain, but believing in humanity...?
A coloured history
Though that thought had too many syllables, I was thinking about writing Haiku's today. I'm going to experiment and see what it would look like to just do ones about anything at all.
The ceramic bowl where I deposit my vapourizer remains
Red heart, blue petals
From where the sun shone, to here
Small and fragile
My piece of art created for UAWL's display at the community conference (can one do a series of haikus? I just did)
life-giving and dead
my sculpture of the classroom
as two ovaries
green trees and women
required life giving forces
green, ailve, thriving
the darkened one: black
dead are my hopes of changing
the world- at least all
I like the way you have to think of all the ways to describe something with the requisite syllables.
I wrote this a few nights ago, and clearly in my blazed state of mind, didn't manage to post it. But here it is. I should be off to study now. Happy Good Friday. Much love to the outside world.
Rach
Monday, March 17, 2008
Happy St. Patrick's Day!!
Slainte and Happy St. Patrick's Day! It's a wonderful holiday to throw away our worldly concerns and consume some green beer, sings some irish tunes and enjoy each other's company.
As we head into the madness of exams, when poeple are walking fine balances, it will be nice to have an evening of worry-free...mayhem? Maybe not...
A list seems fitting. Perhaps a series of lists.
Things you forget when you're in law school:
1. There is a life outside of the Fraser Buidling.
2. There is a life outside of our bubbles at all.
3. That not all is hopeless. Sometimes there are successes that we do not hear about. Ones that are met everyday. We forget what the chipping away does. It makes it okay for a lot of people to just exist, the battles that were fought before us. So we continue to fight those battles, with resiliency and with strength, because someone must. And because we deserve to fight. And why would we settle for anything less.
4. What a life of privilege you have lived. You made it here. And so many don't. You have a brilliant opportunity. That LLB will get you places. That knowledge is really incredible, handy if you practice and an entry point to many things.
5. What that thing called an evening off is, except for St. Pat's.
Things you may like about this law school.
1. COnferences like the community conference, and our UAWL Conference.
They were refreshing, illustrive of the challenges and opportunities that have happened in so many diverse areas, thought-provoking, awesome days.
2. Afternoon Theatre Workshops. Through interactive games and exercises, insightful guidance, and open amazing people, beautiful things were produced that day. It was one of the most rewarding, refreshing things I have done here. I remembered that I have a body and the different things for which it can be used, I had just never used it for art and sculpting before.
3. The sense of community, though you often wish to take a break from it, overall I like it. We have excellent professors, supportive staff, and we go to school with really good people.
Enough of that.
5 things I loved about Ireland
1. THe people. They are a vibrant people, enthusiastic and engaged. They always have a story and they are kind.
2. Galway. Whata beautiful little city. A cobblestone pedestrian downtown with pubs and shops gallore. The harbour and the waterfront on the River . The Claudaugh, where they speak Gaelic. That really delicious fish and chips place and that spot near the Corrib River where I would chill on the banks and read.
3. Sligo, more the county than the city. It was my home for so much of my stay. The city has character. Some really awesome pubs, like a little a hole-in-the-wall pub, literally wide enough for 2 people barely to cross, the pubs that still had booths like from way back in the day, and vibrant downtown in the day, abandoned by night.
But the surrounding area, all within 15 minutes, there was a waterfall, a lake, beaches, 2 mountains to hike, and some of the best surfing in the country (which surprisingly a lot of people enjoy), all which you can read described far better than I can in the various works of Yeats- not the surfing but all the other stuff. ....it was just naturally beautiful and a great place upon which I reflect fondly having spent a summer there.
4. The ridiculousness of Irish transportation. Why does it require that 3.5 hours to drive 200 kms? Why is there no train connecting the west side of the country? Why must the tractors drive on the highways, or the sheep travel on them, across them, etc?
5. Smithwick's beer and Bulmer's Apple Cider, free beer tours in Kilkenny, many a pint in many a place. Good music, good cheer.
6. All of my travels within- the history of Belfest, the beauty of the Aran islands, the fascination of the Giant's footsteps, the religous past of Dublin and the honesty of all the people met (when I wasn't working....lol!). From Waterford, to the Slieve League Peninsula, Cork to Donegal, Ireland you are stunning, charming, not without many problems, but a great place to have known.
Alright- happy st pat's to all my loves of life.
Enjoy wherever you are,
Rachael,
from a cold, cloudy but bright Victorian night
As we head into the madness of exams, when poeple are walking fine balances, it will be nice to have an evening of worry-free...mayhem? Maybe not...
A list seems fitting. Perhaps a series of lists.
Things you forget when you're in law school:
1. There is a life outside of the Fraser Buidling.
2. There is a life outside of our bubbles at all.
3. That not all is hopeless. Sometimes there are successes that we do not hear about. Ones that are met everyday. We forget what the chipping away does. It makes it okay for a lot of people to just exist, the battles that were fought before us. So we continue to fight those battles, with resiliency and with strength, because someone must. And because we deserve to fight. And why would we settle for anything less.
4. What a life of privilege you have lived. You made it here. And so many don't. You have a brilliant opportunity. That LLB will get you places. That knowledge is really incredible, handy if you practice and an entry point to many things.
5. What that thing called an evening off is, except for St. Pat's.
Things you may like about this law school.
1. COnferences like the community conference, and our UAWL Conference.
They were refreshing, illustrive of the challenges and opportunities that have happened in so many diverse areas, thought-provoking, awesome days.
2. Afternoon Theatre Workshops. Through interactive games and exercises, insightful guidance, and open amazing people, beautiful things were produced that day. It was one of the most rewarding, refreshing things I have done here. I remembered that I have a body and the different things for which it can be used, I had just never used it for art and sculpting before.
3. The sense of community, though you often wish to take a break from it, overall I like it. We have excellent professors, supportive staff, and we go to school with really good people.
Enough of that.
5 things I loved about Ireland
1. THe people. They are a vibrant people, enthusiastic and engaged. They always have a story and they are kind.
2. Galway. Whata beautiful little city. A cobblestone pedestrian downtown with pubs and shops gallore. The harbour and the waterfront on the River . The Claudaugh, where they speak Gaelic. That really delicious fish and chips place and that spot near the Corrib River where I would chill on the banks and read.
3. Sligo, more the county than the city. It was my home for so much of my stay. The city has character. Some really awesome pubs, like a little a hole-in-the-wall pub, literally wide enough for 2 people barely to cross, the pubs that still had booths like from way back in the day, and vibrant downtown in the day, abandoned by night.
But the surrounding area, all within 15 minutes, there was a waterfall, a lake, beaches, 2 mountains to hike, and some of the best surfing in the country (which surprisingly a lot of people enjoy), all which you can read described far better than I can in the various works of Yeats- not the surfing but all the other stuff. ....it was just naturally beautiful and a great place upon which I reflect fondly having spent a summer there.
4. The ridiculousness of Irish transportation. Why does it require that 3.5 hours to drive 200 kms? Why is there no train connecting the west side of the country? Why must the tractors drive on the highways, or the sheep travel on them, across them, etc?
5. Smithwick's beer and Bulmer's Apple Cider, free beer tours in Kilkenny, many a pint in many a place. Good music, good cheer.
6. All of my travels within- the history of Belfest, the beauty of the Aran islands, the fascination of the Giant's footsteps, the religous past of Dublin and the honesty of all the people met (when I wasn't working....lol!). From Waterford, to the Slieve League Peninsula, Cork to Donegal, Ireland you are stunning, charming, not without many problems, but a great place to have known.
Alright- happy st pat's to all my loves of life.
Enjoy wherever you are,
Rachael,
from a cold, cloudy but bright Victorian night
Monday, March 10, 2008
Fatiguee
I am utterly exhausted, yet unable to sleep. Donc je tourne ici, l'endroit dont j'oublie souvent. Le processus d'ecrire. On est ce qu'on dit. There are no accents, so english will remain the flavour of the entry.
Law school didn't get harder substantively, but the subject matters cause one to question really fundamental parts of one's self, one's decisions, and what matters really. In reading case upon case of equality charter challenges, disgusting sexual assault laws, and life, liberty and security of the person cases involving Sue Rodriguez and the right to die, and the Morgentaller decriminalization of abortion case, it takes a toll.
I'm tired. I'm tired of rhetoric, of judicial skirting, of justifications and circular reasoning. Some beauties....Do we all remember suffragette Nelly McClung? Won the vote for women circa the thirties? So she has this phenomenal grandson who becomes an Alberta Court of Appeal judge about 50 or 60 years later. He says some pretty awesome things like "When will the majority stop having to curtsey to minority rights?" and, to L'Heureux-Dube, a Supreme Court of Canada Justice whose husband committed suicide, that feminists cause male suicides or something just as horrendous to that effect. At least he wasn't a member of the Alberta legislature who specifically left sexual orientation off their Human Rights Legislation as a category of protected grounds. Huzzah Alberta!!! You've solved it. Now the gays will just disappear!
I'm tired of what matters being sacrificed for firm glamour. What did you come to law school for? To write wills for years before I decide I hate my job so much that I quit and find the job I really wanted in the first place. But I would like to eliminate the first half. So I need to remain focused for exam period; to not loose vision of the fact that these five exams can negate any prior falling behind, or answers of negligence.
I'm tired of not believing that I'm good enough to get exactly what I want. I almost censored, but its there. I am smart enough when I trust myself. Sometimes I don't come up with the answers. But no one does all the time. I want this job for the summer. I want to reseach con law, family law, questions of should, not just can. SHOULD. Should is what we should ask in federalism questions. I want to spend a summer researching the delivery of parental and maternity leave in Canada. I want there to be important papers written from it. I want it to matter and I want it to make something better. That is why I came here. To matter and to make things better. "What an idealist, people will say. Not at all: It's just that the others are scum." -Frantz Fanon said. I don't know who that is, but it comes as the signature on a girl from UAWL's emails. I feel its a bit fitting.
And so, tomorrow I have my interview. L'entrevue pese sur moi en ce moment. Mais, je suis capable. Je peux. And if all else fails I can return home to my lovely beautiful friends, curl up with them on their couches, have Sunday night girl's nights, blazing sessions at any time, and beyond that on va voir.
Rachael,
d'une claire nuit victorienne
Law school didn't get harder substantively, but the subject matters cause one to question really fundamental parts of one's self, one's decisions, and what matters really. In reading case upon case of equality charter challenges, disgusting sexual assault laws, and life, liberty and security of the person cases involving Sue Rodriguez and the right to die, and the Morgentaller decriminalization of abortion case, it takes a toll.
I'm tired. I'm tired of rhetoric, of judicial skirting, of justifications and circular reasoning. Some beauties....Do we all remember suffragette Nelly McClung? Won the vote for women circa the thirties? So she has this phenomenal grandson who becomes an Alberta Court of Appeal judge about 50 or 60 years later. He says some pretty awesome things like "When will the majority stop having to curtsey to minority rights?" and, to L'Heureux-Dube, a Supreme Court of Canada Justice whose husband committed suicide, that feminists cause male suicides or something just as horrendous to that effect. At least he wasn't a member of the Alberta legislature who specifically left sexual orientation off their Human Rights Legislation as a category of protected grounds. Huzzah Alberta!!! You've solved it. Now the gays will just disappear!
I'm tired of what matters being sacrificed for firm glamour. What did you come to law school for? To write wills for years before I decide I hate my job so much that I quit and find the job I really wanted in the first place. But I would like to eliminate the first half. So I need to remain focused for exam period; to not loose vision of the fact that these five exams can negate any prior falling behind, or answers of negligence.
I'm tired of not believing that I'm good enough to get exactly what I want. I almost censored, but its there. I am smart enough when I trust myself. Sometimes I don't come up with the answers. But no one does all the time. I want this job for the summer. I want to reseach con law, family law, questions of should, not just can. SHOULD. Should is what we should ask in federalism questions. I want to spend a summer researching the delivery of parental and maternity leave in Canada. I want there to be important papers written from it. I want it to matter and I want it to make something better. That is why I came here. To matter and to make things better. "What an idealist, people will say. Not at all: It's just that the others are scum." -Frantz Fanon said. I don't know who that is, but it comes as the signature on a girl from UAWL's emails. I feel its a bit fitting.
And so, tomorrow I have my interview. L'entrevue pese sur moi en ce moment. Mais, je suis capable. Je peux. And if all else fails I can return home to my lovely beautiful friends, curl up with them on their couches, have Sunday night girl's nights, blazing sessions at any time, and beyond that on va voir.
Rachael,
d'une claire nuit victorienne
Thursday, March 6, 2008
I survived my first moot.
Today I mooted. There was crying, there were questions, there was drilling. It was awful. I decided on the spot that that was it. I was done. And then...we finished and our judges said that we were awesome. I thought that I might not pass but instead they said really good things. They said that I was really great with my case knowledge. And that I needed to have more confidence in what I knew. That I was smarter than I think I am. I thought it was a complete train wreck, but apparently it was not.
Some friends then went to Christies. To drink beers. It was a really good choice. Fantastic really. I am done my assignments for the year and all that is left is exams. Oh my. First year law is really really really intense. What an experience.
What's my answer to my million dollar question asked by Chloe? What will I be when I grow up? A lawyer? A policy developer? A litigator (hahaha based on today)? A professor? A vagabond? No idea. And what would I like to do more of? Read fiction. Sleep. I don't really know. Traipse about the world a bit more. c'est possible.
I also had a good victoria inside evening. it was raining outside so i couldn't have a victorian night. but i did eat a brownie, or "soy protein" as the label says on the container. Its contents are wrapped in tinfoil so the child doesn't see brownie if riffling through our shared freezer and consume it and get blazed. that would be bad.
Some friends then went to Christies. To drink beers. It was a really good choice. Fantastic really. I am done my assignments for the year and all that is left is exams. Oh my. First year law is really really really intense. What an experience.
What's my answer to my million dollar question asked by Chloe? What will I be when I grow up? A lawyer? A policy developer? A litigator (hahaha based on today)? A professor? A vagabond? No idea. And what would I like to do more of? Read fiction. Sleep. I don't really know. Traipse about the world a bit more. c'est possible.
I also had a good victoria inside evening. it was raining outside so i couldn't have a victorian night. but i did eat a brownie, or "soy protein" as the label says on the container. Its contents are wrapped in tinfoil so the child doesn't see brownie if riffling through our shared freezer and consume it and get blazed. that would be bad.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
UVic Law Community Conference: Knowledge through Diveristy
Today I remember why I came to UVic. Today made me feel good about going here. That hasn't happened super regularly.
I went to a powerful session on trans rights with barbara findlay and Kimberly Nixon. The exercise we did at the beginning. We had to switch between target and non-target groups on either side of the room. Being on the right was comfortable, but felt guilty: the side of privilege. The left was uncomfortable but there was some solidarity being in the target group. Its amazing how comfortable stepping over the line is for things like you self identify as gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or transgendered. Its not something that feels difficult. That is not something I would have said a year ago. Some categories were really difficult though even my toughest ones weren't as hard as others. Have you ever been called fat? seems less difficult than Have you ever been institutionalized? Have you suffered sexual or physical abuse? We learned to listen to the target group, because as members of the non-target group we know nothing. We learned to communicate to the assholes in power with respect. "We are who we say we are." Yes. Courageous strong people.
I also went to Immigration and discrimination. It was really intense to learn about the status of refugees, and especially the intersection of family and immigration law. What happens when you are a woman here with your husband-to-be, sponsored by him, and the relationship breaks down? What about the kids when they are Canadian citizens and you don't get status and you can't stay in the country?
The third session of the day was one on Labour Unions and the advancement of queer rights. I played the role of the sceptic. I was a member of a union for nearly four years, and I did not feel like it would have been okay for me to be openly gay at work. But, in terms of advancement, maybe here in BC the unions are led by individuals who are activists. But are they usually? Aren't those who are at the head of the unions older, white, heterosexual males? Why would they bother challenging the status quo that they benefit from upholding? Young people don't lead unions. Where are these activists coming from? Bavis argued that unions have the political will to protect minorities, but where is that will coming from. But unions have done good things. A lot of benefits for same sex couples were fought for and won by unions. They won things like not letting parents take their kids out of someone's class just because that teacher is gay, and letting teachers teach from material that contains same sex couples and families. Unions are well situated with the resources to bring claims. Things to think about.
Knowledge through Diversity I gained. I wish I could have been in two, often three places at once. I would have liked to have learned about a Law and Religion session around the Hijab. I want to know about climate change. Aboriginal issues. "Where are our men? We want them back!........................" (a vagina monologue named his braided hair or something to that effect). I wanted to learn more about animal rights. Migrant workers. It would have been amazing to go to all of the sessions. For nect year the only thing I would change is the ability to be in three places at once. It was awesome.
I ended the night with a beautiful session down at the beach with a friend. There may have been a mexican cigarillo involved. A beautiful night. The number of stars was amazing! It was stunning. And the water was peaceful, the air crisp, and the sky clear. Good company, good talks. Yes.
To my beautiful wonderful amazing perfect brilliant friends out there, congratulations on your respective successes. You all give me life. You inspire me. You do the important things in life. I love you.
Rach,
supra, blog entry style victorian night.
I went to a powerful session on trans rights with barbara findlay and Kimberly Nixon. The exercise we did at the beginning. We had to switch between target and non-target groups on either side of the room. Being on the right was comfortable, but felt guilty: the side of privilege. The left was uncomfortable but there was some solidarity being in the target group. Its amazing how comfortable stepping over the line is for things like you self identify as gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or transgendered. Its not something that feels difficult. That is not something I would have said a year ago. Some categories were really difficult though even my toughest ones weren't as hard as others. Have you ever been called fat? seems less difficult than Have you ever been institutionalized? Have you suffered sexual or physical abuse? We learned to listen to the target group, because as members of the non-target group we know nothing. We learned to communicate to the assholes in power with respect. "We are who we say we are." Yes. Courageous strong people.
I also went to Immigration and discrimination. It was really intense to learn about the status of refugees, and especially the intersection of family and immigration law. What happens when you are a woman here with your husband-to-be, sponsored by him, and the relationship breaks down? What about the kids when they are Canadian citizens and you don't get status and you can't stay in the country?
The third session of the day was one on Labour Unions and the advancement of queer rights. I played the role of the sceptic. I was a member of a union for nearly four years, and I did not feel like it would have been okay for me to be openly gay at work. But, in terms of advancement, maybe here in BC the unions are led by individuals who are activists. But are they usually? Aren't those who are at the head of the unions older, white, heterosexual males? Why would they bother challenging the status quo that they benefit from upholding? Young people don't lead unions. Where are these activists coming from? Bavis argued that unions have the political will to protect minorities, but where is that will coming from. But unions have done good things. A lot of benefits for same sex couples were fought for and won by unions. They won things like not letting parents take their kids out of someone's class just because that teacher is gay, and letting teachers teach from material that contains same sex couples and families. Unions are well situated with the resources to bring claims. Things to think about.
Knowledge through Diversity I gained. I wish I could have been in two, often three places at once. I would have liked to have learned about a Law and Religion session around the Hijab. I want to know about climate change. Aboriginal issues. "Where are our men? We want them back!........................" (a vagina monologue named his braided hair or something to that effect). I wanted to learn more about animal rights. Migrant workers. It would have been amazing to go to all of the sessions. For nect year the only thing I would change is the ability to be in three places at once. It was awesome.
I ended the night with a beautiful session down at the beach with a friend. There may have been a mexican cigarillo involved. A beautiful night. The number of stars was amazing! It was stunning. And the water was peaceful, the air crisp, and the sky clear. Good company, good talks. Yes.
To my beautiful wonderful amazing perfect brilliant friends out there, congratulations on your respective successes. You all give me life. You inspire me. You do the important things in life. I love you.
Rach,
supra, blog entry style victorian night.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Tulips in February. Damn I just missed posting on Feb. 29.
Wow. I cannot believe that was my last entry. Life is exponentially better than then.
Through time away from familiar spaces in the sun, and spaces of soul renewing days spent among my loves of life, I feel restored and ready to tackle this half of the semester. The home stretch.
In addition, I had a fabulous week back. The weather had been simply amazing. warm days everyday, with sun often, and pleasant evenings have graced us for the past week. On my walk today, there were tulips blooming. Wonderful.
Also, this week I went to the Vagina Monologues. It was a fantastic production. I laughed, I cried, I bought a t-shit proclaiming. I heart vagina. GC was in it and she was wonderful. I left feeling warm and fuzzy inside. I went with good friends and it was really nice. It was empowering and beautiful. Special notes go the performaces of My Vagina is angry, Vagina workshop, My Short Skirt, and of course the Woman who liked to make women moan. Amazing. Inspiring. Wonderful. It was preceded by a trip to Noodle Box, which is never a poor way to begin the evening. Yum!
Tonight I went to see the Lawyers on Stage production of "I love you, You're perfect, Now change!". While it did not challenge gender norms like my earlier live theatre event of the week, it was a great production that a lot of people worked very hard to put together. Every one did a fantastic job, especially those who were coughing up blood earlier in the day. Congratulations to all involved.
A lovely week back, and good things happening to good people who deserve them all around me. Much much love to those here and in London, and abroad.
Rach
Through time away from familiar spaces in the sun, and spaces of soul renewing days spent among my loves of life, I feel restored and ready to tackle this half of the semester. The home stretch.
In addition, I had a fabulous week back. The weather had been simply amazing. warm days everyday, with sun often, and pleasant evenings have graced us for the past week. On my walk today, there were tulips blooming. Wonderful.
Also, this week I went to the Vagina Monologues. It was a fantastic production. I laughed, I cried, I bought a t-shit proclaiming. I heart vagina. GC was in it and she was wonderful. I left feeling warm and fuzzy inside. I went with good friends and it was really nice. It was empowering and beautiful. Special notes go the performaces of My Vagina is angry, Vagina workshop, My Short Skirt, and of course the Woman who liked to make women moan. Amazing. Inspiring. Wonderful. It was preceded by a trip to Noodle Box, which is never a poor way to begin the evening. Yum!
Tonight I went to see the Lawyers on Stage production of "I love you, You're perfect, Now change!". While it did not challenge gender norms like my earlier live theatre event of the week, it was a great production that a lot of people worked very hard to put together. Every one did a fantastic job, especially those who were coughing up blood earlier in the day. Congratulations to all involved.
A lovely week back, and good things happening to good people who deserve them all around me. Much much love to those here and in London, and abroad.
Rach
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
An evening of baking. Muffins, etc.
Wow. the wind is blowing like crazy out there. It would have been a sweet night at the beach, though fears of quite literally falling asleep on the beach seemed to say no, stay in the warmth of your home and bake delicious goods.
Ever pothead knows that when you bake pot bownies, you have to have another non-pot brownie batch. However, it was the last brownie package...so I baked banana chocolate chip muffins. Deilicious! And so I ate a brownie and an hour later i was needing the muffins. Good choice.
Its good to be done memo. I hope all is well in the world outside of law school.
Rach, from a cold, damp victorian night.
Ever pothead knows that when you bake pot bownies, you have to have another non-pot brownie batch. However, it was the last brownie package...so I baked banana chocolate chip muffins. Deilicious! And so I ate a brownie and an hour later i was needing the muffins. Good choice.
Its good to be done memo. I hope all is well in the world outside of law school.
Rach, from a cold, damp victorian night.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Today at Law School I learned
"What good is a right to same-sex marriage if there is systemic homophobia that is preventing you from being out in your workplace?" when learning about Charter remedies in Constitutional Law.
"If you're going to practice Witchcraft, makes sure your do it right!" in Criminal Law when learning about lord knows what. Mens Rea and subjective tests maybe.
Therein lies the brilliance of the difference between GC and RJ. One is brilliant in a constructive way and is a brilliant teacher. One is...brilliant it would seem maybe.
Also one of them rewarded the people who got the highest score based on the merit system with tickets to the Vagina Monologues. I did not get that. The tickets came with a disclaimer that not everyone wants to see their professor talk about her vagina for two hours, and that others in the room may appreciate them. I can think of one person who would love to hear GC talk about her vagina for two hours. SHe also came in this morning and announced, "I was laying in bed this morning, and I know some of you might not want to think of that, and I was listening to all the university closures and school closures and UVic open!". I definitly thought of that...and she definitly loved to come in and speak to us about remedies. Us, who are all stressed out memo cases and who haven't done the readings clearly. Stress levels are high. Breakdowns could come at any time. It's intense. It's poisonous...except for a beacon of light that is constitutional.
I think I was gonna print off cases to read tomorrow. I know that sounds terrible. It is.
Rach from a cool, rainy, but not snowy, dark Victorian night.
"If you're going to practice Witchcraft, makes sure your do it right!" in Criminal Law when learning about lord knows what. Mens Rea and subjective tests maybe.
Therein lies the brilliance of the difference between GC and RJ. One is brilliant in a constructive way and is a brilliant teacher. One is...brilliant it would seem maybe.
Also one of them rewarded the people who got the highest score based on the merit system with tickets to the Vagina Monologues. I did not get that. The tickets came with a disclaimer that not everyone wants to see their professor talk about her vagina for two hours, and that others in the room may appreciate them. I can think of one person who would love to hear GC talk about her vagina for two hours. SHe also came in this morning and announced, "I was laying in bed this morning, and I know some of you might not want to think of that, and I was listening to all the university closures and school closures and UVic open!". I definitly thought of that...and she definitly loved to come in and speak to us about remedies. Us, who are all stressed out memo cases and who haven't done the readings clearly. Stress levels are high. Breakdowns could come at any time. It's intense. It's poisonous...except for a beacon of light that is constitutional.
I think I was gonna print off cases to read tomorrow. I know that sounds terrible. It is.
Rach from a cool, rainy, but not snowy, dark Victorian night.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Trans Sports Panel and other awesomeness.
Tonight the UVic Law Students and Allies club, along with the Uvic Sports and Entertainment Law club, held a panel entitled Inclusion of transgendered athletes in Olympic Cycling: Implications for Canadian and International Sport Policy. Dr. Jim Rupert from UBC spoke about the biological aspects of gender, and to those regarding being transgendered or intersex, or any variation along a spectrum of hormonal differences. Then Dr. Ann Travers, a sociologist at Simon Fraser University who specializes in the areas of sport and gender, especially as related to gay sporting and womens sporting spaces.
It was just fascinating. I felt like I learned so much I have never even thought about before. Dr. Travers spoke about a sporting world that didn't have a male/female dichotomy or divide. She spoke of the possibility that given equal societal expectations and things like equal nutrition, that men and women could be competing at the same level.
Also, both spoke to the evidence thus far that transgendered athletes compete at similar levels to where the competed before their transition.
This panel was great! We had it in one of the fair size lecture halls, and it was nearly full! There were like...whole classes who had to manditorily come to this. And lots of support from the law faculty. I think that Both speakers were engaging, interesting and really intriguing material was presented by each of them. A lot of people were saying that it was one the best talks that has ever come through the law school. Wow...props us! I think its officially shorter just to type out all the names of the ppl in the club than to type out the name of the club...Jess, Didi, Mark, Andy, and Rachael. and Rashida. Yes shorter for sure. Mostly we just call it the gay club now.
Also on this exciting and best day of my week so far, I can speak about the fact that there is going to be a professor visiting soon from Feb 19-ish to March 19-ish from the University if Edinburgh, and she researches in the areas of transgendered persons legal rights, and feminist perspectives in Health Law. Its fascinating research if you ever want to look it up- Dr. Sharon Cowan. So apparently she and Gillian Calder have "danced a paper before". As in, quite literally, dancing out a paper instead of reading it. I don't really understand how that works, but I may ask them to do one. Or perchance I will just ask for a normal reading style lecture. We, and by we I mean the gay club and the Uvic Association of Women and the Law aka UAWL, decided on that at lunch since 3/4 of our regular members were at the UAWL meeting. I love it.
SO morals of the story: 1) Gillian calder is amazing 2) Transgendered sports panel was amazing 3) Visiting prof sounds amazing.
Rach, co-prez of a stellar club, from another cold, but bright and clear Victorian night.
It was just fascinating. I felt like I learned so much I have never even thought about before. Dr. Travers spoke about a sporting world that didn't have a male/female dichotomy or divide. She spoke of the possibility that given equal societal expectations and things like equal nutrition, that men and women could be competing at the same level.
Also, both spoke to the evidence thus far that transgendered athletes compete at similar levels to where the competed before their transition.
This panel was great! We had it in one of the fair size lecture halls, and it was nearly full! There were like...whole classes who had to manditorily come to this. And lots of support from the law faculty. I think that Both speakers were engaging, interesting and really intriguing material was presented by each of them. A lot of people were saying that it was one the best talks that has ever come through the law school. Wow...props us! I think its officially shorter just to type out all the names of the ppl in the club than to type out the name of the club...Jess, Didi, Mark, Andy, and Rachael. and Rashida. Yes shorter for sure. Mostly we just call it the gay club now.
Also on this exciting and best day of my week so far, I can speak about the fact that there is going to be a professor visiting soon from Feb 19-ish to March 19-ish from the University if Edinburgh, and she researches in the areas of transgendered persons legal rights, and feminist perspectives in Health Law. Its fascinating research if you ever want to look it up- Dr. Sharon Cowan. So apparently she and Gillian Calder have "danced a paper before". As in, quite literally, dancing out a paper instead of reading it. I don't really understand how that works, but I may ask them to do one. Or perchance I will just ask for a normal reading style lecture. We, and by we I mean the gay club and the Uvic Association of Women and the Law aka UAWL, decided on that at lunch since 3/4 of our regular members were at the UAWL meeting. I love it.
SO morals of the story: 1) Gillian calder is amazing 2) Transgendered sports panel was amazing 3) Visiting prof sounds amazing.
Rach, co-prez of a stellar club, from another cold, but bright and clear Victorian night.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
A return of sorts
I have been letting my blogging and my writing habits slide, which is clearly unwise, though sometimes absolutely necessary. So I am back, here I am, for better or for worse. In the habits of old I propose a list. Things that have saved my life over the past 4 days:
1. My friends. As always. They are the best. Ever. In life.
2. The beach. On Thursday, Saturday, and twice on Sunday. Serenity, beauty, perspective.
3. Writing. On my computer, in my journal, on the beach, on the couch, in my bed. Everywhere. Anywhere.
4. My newly returned copy of Fall on Your Knees by Ann Marie MacDonald, most noteably the most beautiful passage of writing that I have ever read on pages 176 and 177 of this copy.
It is a list of 4. I tried to round it out to 5 but there was not another one. I could have given props to things that actually saved my life like water and food, though the sub-functional oven is not to be thanked.
Thanks to those who I have had especially long talks with. Thanks to those who I have spoken sometimes with. Thanks for reading most of all. I hope all is well in the land that is outside of libraries or the law building.
Much love,
Rach, from a brilliantly clear, bright, almost full moon, crisp, cold Victorian Night
1. My friends. As always. They are the best. Ever. In life.
2. The beach. On Thursday, Saturday, and twice on Sunday. Serenity, beauty, perspective.
3. Writing. On my computer, in my journal, on the beach, on the couch, in my bed. Everywhere. Anywhere.
4. My newly returned copy of Fall on Your Knees by Ann Marie MacDonald, most noteably the most beautiful passage of writing that I have ever read on pages 176 and 177 of this copy.
It is a list of 4. I tried to round it out to 5 but there was not another one. I could have given props to things that actually saved my life like water and food, though the sub-functional oven is not to be thanked.
Thanks to those who I have had especially long talks with. Thanks to those who I have spoken sometimes with. Thanks for reading most of all. I hope all is well in the land that is outside of libraries or the law building.
Much love,
Rach, from a brilliantly clear, bright, almost full moon, crisp, cold Victorian Night
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Happy BIrthday Jeffrey!
Ahhh back to writting. It feels good again. Blazing and writing. Always a good pair. I'm back with my Victorian Nights. I have missed them. Ever since I gave up smoking, I have been staying inside to consume more, which is good for the lungs, but bad for appreciating my lovely victorian nights. THey are a bit cool these days, but still very much worth appreciating the nights on numerous nights out of the week.
Today is Jeffrey's Birthday, so I feel the west coast needs to offer a little bit of a b-day luv and celebrate in style. I don't want to suggest I will be drinking alone in my basement, rather we have our Cultural Extravaganza that night and people usually go out afterwards, so I'm sure a pint or two will be raised.
Were an actual toast required I would say something along the lines of To the best friend anyone could ask for! (and then the grammar nerd in me would say for whom to ask.) To one of the best people I know. To a fantastic listener, supporter in every endeavour, and fellow chill dude. This has been a really great year for a lot of things, and our friendship was one of them. Jeff at 22 you were really fantastic. Now you are Jeff at 23. A new year, we'll see what is to come, but whatever it is, it will be amazing i'm sure. Much love, much love sent all your way.
I am also reminded of my 23rd birthday. It was fairly phenomenal. It was my champagne birthday- that is I turned 23 on the 23rd of April. It was perfect. I made mimosas at noon, ate my favourite foods, read Jeanette Winterson's Sexing the Cherry for a long time, napped, blazed, drank more wine at dinner with Mom and Dad, and more champagne at Jeff's after dessert chez moi. We went to Molly Blooms. I vaguely remember. I didn't remember much the next morning, but Chloe let me know she drove me to the bar. I formally resigned from said establishment around midnight. Appparently I have been to Wink's twice. I really don't remember even having been there. Like at all. And even after all that. they apparently let me in to Jack's, where I may have consumed more or just kind of sat there not know what was going on. Eventually we ended back at Jeff and Ryan's and Ryan and Lauren and I watched V for Vendetta in HRyan's room. Yes HRyan is how I will refer to him. And miraculously I survived it all and did not vomit. Inexplicable I know. That was my 23rd b-day and it was amazing, well the parts I remembered and have been informed of later, and I was surrounded by people that I loved and did exactly what I wanted to do.
I have never made it to the end of this Regina Spektor song, and tonight I just did, and its so beautiful. THe beginning used to trip me out too much and the next song on the play list is one of my favourites so I would just always skip it. But it is beautiful- Daniel Cowman. Intensely beautiful at the end. Also exciting to discover something new in the music you listen to so so frequently. ...music nerd to apparently...my true colours shine....
This was a very long post. Thank you for getting through it. Happy Birthday Jeffrey. Horray for nostalgia. Love to all.
Rach, from a chilly, cloudy Victorian night.
Today is Jeffrey's Birthday, so I feel the west coast needs to offer a little bit of a b-day luv and celebrate in style. I don't want to suggest I will be drinking alone in my basement, rather we have our Cultural Extravaganza that night and people usually go out afterwards, so I'm sure a pint or two will be raised.
Were an actual toast required I would say something along the lines of To the best friend anyone could ask for! (and then the grammar nerd in me would say for whom to ask.) To one of the best people I know. To a fantastic listener, supporter in every endeavour, and fellow chill dude. This has been a really great year for a lot of things, and our friendship was one of them. Jeff at 22 you were really fantastic. Now you are Jeff at 23. A new year, we'll see what is to come, but whatever it is, it will be amazing i'm sure. Much love, much love sent all your way.
I am also reminded of my 23rd birthday. It was fairly phenomenal. It was my champagne birthday- that is I turned 23 on the 23rd of April. It was perfect. I made mimosas at noon, ate my favourite foods, read Jeanette Winterson's Sexing the Cherry for a long time, napped, blazed, drank more wine at dinner with Mom and Dad, and more champagne at Jeff's after dessert chez moi. We went to Molly Blooms. I vaguely remember. I didn't remember much the next morning, but Chloe let me know she drove me to the bar. I formally resigned from said establishment around midnight. Appparently I have been to Wink's twice. I really don't remember even having been there. Like at all. And even after all that. they apparently let me in to Jack's, where I may have consumed more or just kind of sat there not know what was going on. Eventually we ended back at Jeff and Ryan's and Ryan and Lauren and I watched V for Vendetta in HRyan's room. Yes HRyan is how I will refer to him. And miraculously I survived it all and did not vomit. Inexplicable I know. That was my 23rd b-day and it was amazing, well the parts I remembered and have been informed of later, and I was surrounded by people that I loved and did exactly what I wanted to do.
I have never made it to the end of this Regina Spektor song, and tonight I just did, and its so beautiful. THe beginning used to trip me out too much and the next song on the play list is one of my favourites so I would just always skip it. But it is beautiful- Daniel Cowman. Intensely beautiful at the end. Also exciting to discover something new in the music you listen to so so frequently. ...music nerd to apparently...my true colours shine....
This was a very long post. Thank you for getting through it. Happy Birthday Jeffrey. Horray for nostalgia. Love to all.
Rach, from a chilly, cloudy Victorian night.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
I am enough.
As a preface to this post:
a) Change=good. Goals= good. I have many. They are important to have.
b) I did not partake in my regular night time activity, and in fact, have only done so once since my return to BC
I find the suffix "est" to be problematic, or any superlative for that matter. It hit me tonight that I don't have to be "est" at anything, and maybe I will never be "est" at anything, and thats really really OK. I just don't have to be the smartest, the prettiest, or the most successful to realize and to know that I am smart, pretty, and successful. I will certainly make no claim to being the happiest, but I have moments of happiness. You know when you're a kid and your parents say that all you have to do is be the best [insert your name here] that you can be? I don't even have the expectation that I will be the best at that all the time. Sometimes I'm not the best Rachael I can be. We all make poor decisions, perform at levels that don't meet our own personal expectations, and straight-up just fuck up.
BUT.......the beautiful thing is- and it is definitely something that I am in the process of learning, and that I will likely forget sometimes- I am enough. Period. I am enough. Like I said, I am not the smartest, the prettiest or the most successful, but I am enough. Separate from what I do, what I achieve, what awards I win or don't win, and what grade I got on my torts exam, I am enough.
The thing is, no one out there is telling us that. I don't know if I have ever heard that in general, let alone heard that in direct relation to me. I certainly don't think I've ever felt that before. The media, society, my parents, all let me know on a fairly regular basis that I am in constant need of improvement, that I am not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, that I need to do something, that action of some sort is required to better myself somehow. No one is telling us that just because we exist, just because we are human, in and of ourselves, we are enough. Without conditions, constant judgment, and intense scrutiny, I merit love and elicit pride just because I'm me. Oprah would call this an ah-ha moment.
me, from a windy victorian night
a) Change=good. Goals= good. I have many. They are important to have.
b) I did not partake in my regular night time activity, and in fact, have only done so once since my return to BC
I find the suffix "est" to be problematic, or any superlative for that matter. It hit me tonight that I don't have to be "est" at anything, and maybe I will never be "est" at anything, and thats really really OK. I just don't have to be the smartest, the prettiest, or the most successful to realize and to know that I am smart, pretty, and successful. I will certainly make no claim to being the happiest, but I have moments of happiness. You know when you're a kid and your parents say that all you have to do is be the best [insert your name here] that you can be? I don't even have the expectation that I will be the best at that all the time. Sometimes I'm not the best Rachael I can be. We all make poor decisions, perform at levels that don't meet our own personal expectations, and straight-up just fuck up.
BUT.......the beautiful thing is- and it is definitely something that I am in the process of learning, and that I will likely forget sometimes- I am enough. Period. I am enough. Like I said, I am not the smartest, the prettiest or the most successful, but I am enough. Separate from what I do, what I achieve, what awards I win or don't win, and what grade I got on my torts exam, I am enough.
The thing is, no one out there is telling us that. I don't know if I have ever heard that in general, let alone heard that in direct relation to me. I certainly don't think I've ever felt that before. The media, society, my parents, all let me know on a fairly regular basis that I am in constant need of improvement, that I am not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, that I need to do something, that action of some sort is required to better myself somehow. No one is telling us that just because we exist, just because we are human, in and of ourselves, we are enough. Without conditions, constant judgment, and intense scrutiny, I merit love and elicit pride just because I'm me. Oprah would call this an ah-ha moment.
me, from a windy victorian night
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