I am utterly exhausted, yet unable to sleep. Donc je tourne ici, l'endroit dont j'oublie souvent. Le processus d'ecrire. On est ce qu'on dit. There are no accents, so english will remain the flavour of the entry.
Law school didn't get harder substantively, but the subject matters cause one to question really fundamental parts of one's self, one's decisions, and what matters really. In reading case upon case of equality charter challenges, disgusting sexual assault laws, and life, liberty and security of the person cases involving Sue Rodriguez and the right to die, and the Morgentaller decriminalization of abortion case, it takes a toll.
I'm tired. I'm tired of rhetoric, of judicial skirting, of justifications and circular reasoning. Some beauties....Do we all remember suffragette Nelly McClung? Won the vote for women circa the thirties? So she has this phenomenal grandson who becomes an Alberta Court of Appeal judge about 50 or 60 years later. He says some pretty awesome things like "When will the majority stop having to curtsey to minority rights?" and, to L'Heureux-Dube, a Supreme Court of Canada Justice whose husband committed suicide, that feminists cause male suicides or something just as horrendous to that effect. At least he wasn't a member of the Alberta legislature who specifically left sexual orientation off their Human Rights Legislation as a category of protected grounds. Huzzah Alberta!!! You've solved it. Now the gays will just disappear!
I'm tired of what matters being sacrificed for firm glamour. What did you come to law school for? To write wills for years before I decide I hate my job so much that I quit and find the job I really wanted in the first place. But I would like to eliminate the first half. So I need to remain focused for exam period; to not loose vision of the fact that these five exams can negate any prior falling behind, or answers of negligence.
I'm tired of not believing that I'm good enough to get exactly what I want. I almost censored, but its there. I am smart enough when I trust myself. Sometimes I don't come up with the answers. But no one does all the time. I want this job for the summer. I want to reseach con law, family law, questions of should, not just can. SHOULD. Should is what we should ask in federalism questions. I want to spend a summer researching the delivery of parental and maternity leave in Canada. I want there to be important papers written from it. I want it to matter and I want it to make something better. That is why I came here. To matter and to make things better. "What an idealist, people will say. Not at all: It's just that the others are scum." -Frantz Fanon said. I don't know who that is, but it comes as the signature on a girl from UAWL's emails. I feel its a bit fitting.
And so, tomorrow I have my interview. L'entrevue pese sur moi en ce moment. Mais, je suis capable. Je peux. And if all else fails I can return home to my lovely beautiful friends, curl up with them on their couches, have Sunday night girl's nights, blazing sessions at any time, and beyond that on va voir.
Rachael,
d'une claire nuit victorienne
1 comment:
Awww, it's sad reading this post knowing the outcome. I'm so sorry.
Frantz Fanon was a Martiniquais-born French psychiatrist "de formation". He denounced colonialism (he died right around the time of most African independences), new forms of slavery and control, and even psychiatry for a) serving the purposes of the "colons" and b) being completely "inutile" in the colonial situation, where it is the society that is "mentalement malade" and where the patient, once "treated", will only relapse once released from the "asile" back into the "nuisible" society. His two most well-known books, Les damnés de la terre and Peau noire, masques blancs are must-reads for any post-colonial literature studies :P
Damn, I have a presentation for my African lit. class in 10 hours and I'm nowhere near ready and wtf am I doing? Reading your blog! Instead of working! Sigh.
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